There is absolutely no doubt that there is no logic in Asia

I'm usually pretty good about vetting my friends. I usually ensure they're generally good people who carry no bigotry and share my view of the world in general. Otherwise, they're just acquaintances to me, or simply people I don't care.

So what brought this topic to light? Well, this morning, a 'friend' of mine posted a status that was pretty usual. She's someone who has been living in Vietnam. LiHd* wrote on her Facebook status: LiHd might be incommunicado via Facebook soon if Uncle Ho decides to block it.

And below are the comments that entailed throughout the day... Anything in smaller fonts just means that they're insignificant to the blog topic.


JeHa: oh brother! C'mon Nam! Get with this century! What's the reasoning behind this one? Oh nevermind, When in Asia, don't ask why.


LiHd: exactly. i have heard it from a couple of sources but who knows!! no logic, no logic, no logic...


LiHd's friend #1: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!


LiHd's friend #2: What?


LiHd's friend #3: good ol' uncle Ho.


LiHd's friend #4: One thing I learned after living in China is that no matter how much the government tries to block something, there's always a way to get around it using a proxy. I'll help you out with that if Uncle Ho decides to block facebook.


LiHd's friend #5: Oh noes! Say it ain't so, Uncle Ho!


LiHd's relative #1: nothing better then the good old US of A.....and Facebook!


VaHa: Yikes. keep me posted


LiHd's friend #6: I keep hearing this ... when will this happen?


John Ho: Just wanna throw this out there... Asia includes many other countries like India, China, Indonesia, Taiwan, Thailand and Japan. Most Asian countries don't have censorship, except for China or North Korea. So let's not categorically put Asia together into a place of illogical decision making. And as with the century thing, you do realize that Japan, Great Britain and South Korea are far more advanced than the United States, right? Not only that, the ol' US of A is the only advanced civilization to preach human rights but at the same time manages to enjoy prosecuting those under 18 as an adult, which all other G20 or EU countries condemn as inhumane. C'mon, USA! Get with the freaking times! And let's not forget, it is 2009 and we had Judge Keith Bardwell who will not marry interracial couples in the USA.

But then again, if another "normal" American at a bar here in the US asks me if I also speak Asian after telling him/her that I speak Mandarin, then I'll totally take my entire first paragraph back! =)


LiHd's friend #7: let us know if there is another way to keep you in the loop here...lol..as if there is anything to happen exciting..but i must tell you went to cinci for a conference and went to see uncle bill a and aunt janet...and they live less than a mile from NKU!!!

LiHd: jho...again you missed the point

everyone else: so far they are only rumors that i have been hearing from students...i am not sure if or when this will happen. but if you don't hear from me for a while on fb, that's most likely why.


LiHd's relative #1: i would be lost without my fb....and my business would most likely cease to exist...


John Ho: I was more directing that comment at JeHa's comment when she wrote: "Get with this century! What's the reasoning behind this one? Oh nevermind, When in Asia, don't ask why."


LiHd's friend #8: oh no, that sucks. Well, if I go to Seoul you can come visit me and use my interwebs :)


LiHd: jho: it's because we have both lived in asia for a bit of time; i am in my third year and JeHa was here last year and is in malaysia this year...there is absolutely no doubt that there is no logic on this continent. if you start to apply logic or ask questions it only confuses the issue more.

LiHd's friend #8: you never gave me the 411 on your move to seoul!! when are you leaving? where are you teaching?


John Ho: Let me get this straight... Asia is one of the biggest continents comprising of so many different countries and more distinct cultures than there are number of countries. And because of the illogical experiences you two have encountered in a few countries, you can categorically say Asia as a whole has no logic. I'd like to see you and your friend tell that to a Japanese or Taiwanese or Singaporean citizen. Hmm... I'm glad you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.


VaHa: 9 years in Asia. Agree with the gals.

LiHd, I read a bit about it. Something was said in August and some people reported FB blocked then.


LiHd's friend #8: LiHd, I don't know yet. First up: try to sell my condo. As soon as that happens, I will decide where I go. It may depend on the time of year and how much I get for the condo.
I will def. let you know where I wind up, esp of it is Korea.


LiHd: jho: i am speaking from experience, you are speaking from the point of view of someone who only comes here on vacation or business. why are you insulting my intelligence?? ridiculous and almost unforgivable comment on your end.


John Ho: Maybe you didn't know this, but I was not born in the US. I didn't even come here till 1996. I have lived in five Asian countries while growing up. Not on business or vacation. And I renounced not one, but two previous Asian citizenship when I became naturalized in the US.

Just so you know, there are 47 countries in the Asian continent. How many of the 47 countries have your friend and yourself gone to, to make such a generalized statement about Asia? Even I, who have lived in more Asian countries and longer than you, would not dare make such a statement such as your friend Jennifer's or yours.

I was not insulting your intelligence. Your blanket statements did.


----------########## END TRANSCRIPT ##########----------


So after all that, I was going to remove this ignorant friend of mine from my Facebook, and you know what? She saved me the trouble! Now I don't have to worry about the guilt of "Was I too harsh on my friend when I removed her from Facebook?"

Simply put, if anything, I was more shocked than anything that someone who I thought I have known for almost five years can have such a narrow-minded viewpoint. As a friend of mine who was following the whole chit-chat wrote over instant message: "most ppl tend to compare new experiences with things that they are used to; any deviation from it, they consider 'illogical'; especially for those not so open-minded fools" [sic]

True that!

* Names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent.

The Name's Müller. John Müller.

Friends, I am livid. Very much so! It has only been 77 days since the first black person was sworn in as the President of the United States and some Texas lawmaker unwound the progress made in minority acceptance. And that Texas lawmaker is no other than Betty Brown, a Republican State Representative.

Representative Betty Brown, during a House testimony on voter identification legislation while questioning Ramey Ko, suggested that Asian-Americans should change their names because they're hard to pronounce.

"Rather than everyone here having to learn Chinese--I understand it's a rather difficult language--do you think that it would behoove you and your citizens to adopt a name that we could deal with more readily here?"
...and later added...
"Can't you see that this is something that would make it a lot easier for you and the people who are poll workers if you could adopt a name just for identification purposes that's easier for Americans to deal with?"

What the...?!?

Let's frame this discussion in the proper light. This question was posed to an Asian American, just like me, who is an American citizen. So, what is up with the "you and your citizens" and "we" separation? Clearly, Rep. Brown has some sort of an inclination towards racial divide, for otherwise she in her mind wouldn't dare use such divisive language. Can you imagine if someone you know tells a Hispanic hired help, "Why don't you people learn more English?"

Now, let's look at the context of the discussion: House testimony on voter identification legislation. Key word on identification.

I'm sure you have heard jokes about going through phonebooks and complaining about how everyone is a "Chang" or "Wong," right? Well, let's flip that around. Have you ever tried looking up someone in the phonebook who is either a "Smith" or "Brown," and how thick that section is? Right...

Let's say, for the sake of argument, poll workers truly have a hard time identifying Americans of Asian descent. And for the expressed goal, all Asian Americans will change their surnames to something like "Smith" or "Brown." Now, do you honestly think that it is easier to identify people at polling stations? Instead of lines for last names beginning with "A-H," "I-P," and "Q-Z," they probably will have to have a line just for "Smith," another for "Brown", and finally a line for "Others."

So really, is it truly "easier?" I don't know, but I'd like to ask poll workers what they think about living in a district where there were many Smiths in the community...

Finally, there's the whole "American" thing. Apparently, for Rep. Brown, an American is defined as someone who is either Caucasian, or someone who has a Caucasian surname. Otherwise, anybody else is not an American. I mean, she addressed the question to an American who happened to be not white, and addressed him as if he wasn't an American!

Like I said, I am livid. Just for that, I might consider changing my surname from "Ho" to "Müller." I mean, it should be easier to pronounce, right? But good luck to the poll workers in trying to write that down correctly, cos you don't want to confuse "John Müller" with "John Mueller" or "John Muller," with the latter two being bastardized by the immigration officer at Ellis Island who didn't know "ü". Maybe Betty Brown is related to those uneducated immigration officers?

Come to think of it... Isn't "Brown" the bastardized version of "Braun"?!?

Anyway, if you are a Texan and find this extremely offensive, voice your complaint to the ignorant representative by emailing Brown. Sorry, my Texan friends, but this is yet another reason why I have a distaste for Texas...

Here are the ongoing articles regarding this dumb person: news.google.com - subject "Betty Brown"

Below is the video of the testimony uploaded by KXAN, an NBC affiliate from Austin (if you want the racial comments, fast forward to the 3:30 mark):

I Love You, AT&T! Sort of...

Well… How about that? About eight minutes ago, Engadget received a statement from AT&T, stating:

The language added on March 30 to AT&T's wireless data service Terms and Conditions was done in error. It was brought to our attention and we have since removed it. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.

I guess that's reason to celebrate after just posting a blog about how upset I was. But as my friend Changren pointed out, which I suspect as well, the error wasn't done by AT&T in poor judgment, but rather that the error itself was being discovered by angry users.

How the hell can you write something in error, especially when it was extremely detailed and broad, covering almost everything? Oh well, apologies accepted.

AT&T, You've Outdone Yourself!

Congratulations, AT&T! You have yet outdone yourself when it comes to f**king over your customers! It was barely two years ago when you changed your terms and conditions to include a threat to suspend/terminate any customer contract if you think I engage in conduct that you believe "tends to damage the name or reputation of AT&T, or its parents, affiliates and subsidiaries."

Well, thank you very much for not terminating my service with you when I wrote that blog entry criticizing you for that s**tty terms of service. But just so you know, I'm going to criticize you yet again today.

What the f**k is wrong with you?!? Last night, you updated your Terms and Conditions, and I have beef with your 2. WIRELESS DATA SERVICE TERMS AND CONDITIONS chapter, I. 8. Prohibited and Permissible Use section, to effectively disallow "downloading movies using P2P file sharing services, customer initiated redirection of television or other video or audio signals via any technology from a fixed location to a mobile device, web broadcasting, and... any applications that tether the device... to Personal Computers or other equipment."

Seriously, no tethering, even if I don't use more bandwidth than I would otherwise normally use natively on my N95 smartphone?

Seriously, I can't install applications, such as Google Maps or Skype, since these applications are software that "maintain continuous active Internet connections" whenever I'm driving around or VoIP'ing?

Seriously, I can't set up my N95 smartphone's email client to stay connected all the time and check my email every minute?

Seriously, I can't use my N95 smartphone to take a picture, and instantly upload the picture using my "unlimited data plan" to Facebook via Mobile Uploader, or the Flickr application, because "applications, including, but not limited to, Web camera posts" are strictly prohibited?

What the f**k?!?

I love you, but I truly hate you. Really. But I'm going to continue using my N95 as I have always, and if you cut me off, I'll see you in court!

Robert's Rules of Order Neglected This...

Not too long ago, I wrote about a close encounter of the gassy kind with my boss, and how I was utterly unprepared of the rules of conduct in such a situation. I mean, Emily Post left this one out of the books, I think.

Well... Apparently, city council members of Medina, Ohio, had a similar situation. Almost, that is. Whereas my encounter was all in private, their encounter was in public. What does Robert's Rules of Order state when someone farts in a meeting?

Click here for the news article. Below is the video recording of the council session.



So what does that say about Ohio, a former fattest state in the union? Tee hee...

A Reason Why I Hate Apple

When the car was invented, one of the first interfaces between man and machine was the steering device. The original cars came with tillers, but it was quickly replaced by a steering wheel. This basic method of interface revolutionized the entire automotive industry.

Imagine if the very simple steering wheel was patented. Or worse yet, the whole concept of an adjustable direction wheels in a vehicle was patented. If that had happened, there won't be as many automotive manufacturers out there today as there are, simply because someone patented those and hampered innovation. But the means of achieving automotive steering has always been patented, such as worm and sector, recirculating ball, rack and pinion, and variable rack and pinion. In fact, if either the steering wheel or the whole concept of adjustable direction wheels were patented, all these innovative ways of doing the same thing will never come to fruition, and we will be so far behind the technological curve as it stands today.

Now, think of that analogy, and apply that to Apple's interim CEO Tim Cook and his recent hint towards possibly suing companies that produce multi-touch screens. In my point of view, that is akin to patenting the steering wheel, or the whole adjustable direction wheel concept.

Seriously? Yes, Apple can patent, as they did, how the multi-touch works, and its approach. But simply calling other companies who happened to have multi-touch behavior a rip-off? That's going slightly too far. I am pretty sure that the Palm Pre has totally different ways of achieving human-machine interaction with its multi-touch screen than Apple's iPhone, despite having the very basic conceptual idea. The same is probably true with Samsung's TouchWiz system.

I think the whole idea of calling others ripping off Apple's multi-touch system is completely out of line. If they truly believe that, then the first company who came up with gestures should sue Apple for stealing that idea. If that were the case, I'm sure Apple will fight back with something like, "Well, the logic and magic behind how it translates from physical to system interaction movement is totally different." And that would be acceptable, and Apple can rest easy.

In my analogy, the multi-touch input is the steering wheel input. The different mechanisms that allow the multi-touch in the iPhone is the underlying software, and its counterpart in the analogy is the different steering mechanisms such as the worm and sector, recirculating ball, rack and pinion, and variable rack and pinion steering methods.

Bottom line? Apple's got to stop being a greedy little bitch and stop making all these outlandish threats. If they decide to sue others for emulating multi-touch interface, albeit in different methodologies as Apple's, then I sure hope that this silly pursuit of greed will bankrupt their tight asses. (The tight asses reference will be discussed more later with another reason why I hate Apple blog entry.)

And thus my one reason why I hate Apple.

Who's the Wuss Now, Huh???

2009 had been kind of strange for me so far. In a good way, that is. When I went in to renew my driver's license with the state of Illinois back in January, I thought long and hard about some of my life choices in the past while waiting in line. No, not my choice in sexual orientation, but something profoundly deeper.

For the longest time since being licensed by Pennsylvania, Missouri and Illinois, I had always left that little checkbox that read "organ donor" blank. My thought process was that if it was time for one to leave the world of the living, then it was time. Why should some doctor get to play a higher form of deity and take one of my organs to extend the life of another?

Well, suffice to say, I decided to check that "organ donor" box this past January. Change of heart? Possibly. I realized that playing a form of deity was not a problem of mine in this whole thing. I also realized that it was entirely selfish of me to take my healthy organs to the grave should I be lucky enough to become brain dead in some kind of a freak accident. (Preferably involving two hot naked chicks...)

In that same train of thought, I decided without hesitation to give blood when my company sent out an email informing us of an employee blood drive. The 10th of February is now forever sketched into my electronic calendar as the day I first gave blood for the very first time in my life.

The reading materials warning me of the gazillion reasons why I may or may not be a suitable candidate as a blood donor? No big deal. The 369 questions (or so I thought) in the questionnaire regarding my history, such as if I had ever slept with a person who received or made payment for sexual favors? Believe it or not, I actually struggled with this questionnaire. I thought, what about one night stands, and I had worn protection? Was that any less critical than being in sexual cahoots with a "person who received or made payment for sexual acts?" LOL

Okay, so I wasn't really struggling with the questionnaire, but I did chuckle to myself with ethical minefields I was conjuring up in my wickedly twisted mind. After all that hustle, I finally sat in the waiting area for a free lawn chair that looked like the ones the American Red Cross had stolen from the poolside of some imitation swanky hotel pools. Except these came with the hooks to hang your blood bag with.

As an athlete, I am always subconsciously competitive with most trivial things. I had overheard the big guy who had already started giving blood that it wasn't his first time. Again, in my twisted mind, I created a little competition to see if I could give a pint of my blood close to the time this big guy got done.

Unfortunately, the competition quickly faded because suddenly all my manhood momentarily seeped away when the nurse took out this ginormous needle with a needle hole large enough to fit a Tic Tac! "This will only sting a little," was all I could hear before I thought I was going to pass out. Remember, I'm the kind of guy who enjoys watching the needle pierce my skin and muscles. Like I said, I'm kind of twisted.

Thankfully, the sting was indeed little, even though it lasted a good second too long. And before long, I was focusing back on the competition. I don't remember how many times I must've done this, but I turned my head to look at the big man in the eyes, followed by looking deeply into his pint bag. If only I could see what he was thinking every time I did that. But soon enough, my pint bag was bursting in the seams before the big guy gave a pint. Ding Ding! I had won. In fact, I even had enough time to get the nurse to take pictures of me before the big guy finished.

As I proudly walked over to the snack table, I read over the list of things to do or not do in the five hours after giving blood. I sat down to chug two boxes of apple juice, and that's when the big guy came over. He drank some orange juice, and we both snacked away. The guy kept on sitting there, eating slowly, and taking his sweet ass time. I thought I could copy that, because what can possibly be better than to waste productivity on company initiatives, especially when free food was involved?

But before long, the moral person in me whispered in my ears, "Get your ass going! You have a couple things you have to do before you leave for work!" So I did. As I left, I snickered to myself thinking of the big guy still sitting there snacking away slowly, What a wuss! Big giant guy can't take it like a man for just a pint of blood?

Of course, after walking back hurriedly to my desk, I started feeling dizzy and wobbly. Turned out that yeah, you really need to take your time to recover after giving blood. So who was the wuss now?

Damn!

How All Violent Crimes Should Conclude

Jay Leno have claimed time after time that he loves stupid criminals. Well, I'm sure he'll chuckle about this, although probably not publicly.

There was a man who habitually enjoys robbing retail stores, by the name of Leonard Hudson. Unfortunately, his sweet life was snuffed out in an instant, cutting short his not-so-promising career in retail store heists.

Yesterday, Hudson robbed a fishing & bait store with a weapon (armed robbery) near 31st and Canal. As he was chased by employees, he ran down the street and jumped onto the huge expressway known as the Dan Ryan Expressway (the part of highway in Chicago where I-90 and I-94 temporarily converges). By some miracle, he was able to run across many lanes of this highway unscathed, to the median separating the south and north-bound sections.

At this particular section of the Dan Ryan Expressway, not only is the median just a concrete barrier, but it also opens up with two tracks for the CTA Red Line tracks. Well, Hudson scaled the concrete wall, and jumped onto the El tracks. Just like magic, or fate slowly catching up, the petty robber got hit and run over by a Red Line train.

Considering he was pronounced dead at the scene, it's pretty safe to assume that this repeat criminal won't be robbing stores and terrorizing business owners anymore. This happened so fast that even the police did not have a chance to respond to the call when the guy got killed! This is what I call karma at work.

This is how all violent crimes should end, with the perpetrator dead, without police involvement, without the victim involvement, and certainly without taxing our judicial system. Although it is still kind of sad that someone had to lose his life, but this is probably better for society at large. The only cost? A couple hours of inconvenience to the hundreds of law-abiding Chicago citizens stuck on the Red Line trains near the scene of the sweet justice.

If only all violent crimes conclude by solving itself out...

That's Thinking Forward

Planning. At the place where I work, planning occurs everyday. Planning is a good thing. But sometimes, those who do the planning (obviously not yours truly) are just plain stupid. They plan for the obvious, and leave craters of holes everywhere. But let's not talk about work. Let's talk about Arizona.

Back in 2004's general election, Proposition 200 was approved by a majority of voters. Proposition 200 basically is law that spells out that when someone is registering to vote for the first time or in a different county, or merely casting a vote (if registered), he or she is required to provide specific documents of identification along with proof of citizenship. Seems harmless, doesn't it? Sounds like a good law for the voting system, doesn't it?

But what the hell do you do for those people who were born before birth certificates were issued? And those people who never left the country in their lifetime, which meant not having a passport? Well, that's exactly what happened to Shirley Preiss, of Surprise, AZ.

Shirley Preiss had been voting in every presidential election since 1932, and has never missed a single election. But this time around, she was stripped of her right to vote!!! The reasons? She was born in 1910, before birth certificates were issued as standard document. She never had a passport because she never left the country in her life. She no longer have a driver's license because of her inability to drive due to age. And to make matters worse, the school she attended as a young child no longer exist, so she couldn't get any kind of academic records.

Shirley Preiss is screwed!!!

Now, although this is a pretty freaking sad thing, consider what State Representative Russell Pearce (Republican), who was responsible for Proposition 200, had to say: "To get a movie, you have to prove who you are. To go rent a car, you have to prove who you are. That's part of life."

What the... Sure, leave it to the f*cking Republicans who hate the very idea of minority rights to enact laws so stringent that it leaves certain legit people out in the cold. If the Arizona governor cannot intervene in this matter, I wonder what will US Senator John McCain (Republican) has to say about this, considering he is the presumptive Republican nominee for this year's presidential election, representing the very Arizona state.

Have I told you how much I hate stupid people for planning without forethought? Yeah, I hate that very, very much.

A Letter to the High and Mighty

"Seriously?"

"Yes, Seriously!"


Let's take a moment and go further back in time. I woke up later than usual this morning, and I had to go to the gym before going to work. As usual for situations like this, I would browse through my BlackBerry on Nokia to see what's on the docket for the day, and ensure that I have the flexibility to work out and shower. If not, I'd just shower and go straight to work. But this morning, I was all clear.

Throughout my workout, I constantly kept an eye out at my BlackBerry on Nokia, checking it routinely to ensure no new meetings pop up for the day. Everything was fine, so I went to the locker room and showered. As soon as I got out of the shower, as luck would have it, my cell phone and pager rang off the hook! Apparently, the vendor had set up a conference call, and I was a critical person for the call, and the vendor forgot to add me into the invitee list. Great...

As I stood in front of my locker buck naked, another fellow gym user came in from his workout. His locker happened to be next to mine. I paid him little attention, other than to get out of his way so as to provide more room for him, and started dialing into the conference call on my cellular phone's speakerphone.

As the call progressed, I continued to dry myself and put my clothes on. And finally, when I was doing my hair, the last thing of my getting ready for work, the aforementioned guy (henceforth to be called The High and Mighty) returned from the shower and started getting dressed next to me. Throughout the entire time, The High and Mighty kept on giving me the eye, and like a spoiled rotten girl throwing a temper tantrum, did things loudly while using his locker.

When The High and Mighty got dressed and prepared to leave, he slammed his locker as hard as he could, then finally opened his lips to say condescendingly, "Seriously? Speakerphone in a locker room?"

I knew it wasn't the best etiquette I've displayed, but considering the situation, I had no choice. So I responded, "Seriously, yeah. When you get paged for an emergency, I'm sorry. What else should I do?"

The High and Mighty shot back, all the while walking away from me, "You could've gone downstairs."

Just then, I had to unmute the call and respond to some of the discussions, so The High and Mighty left the locker room. But I was nearly done with my routine, so I hurriedly responded to the discussion, muted the call, and then put on my coat jacket. I tried to catch up with The High and Mighty, who was about 15 yards ahead of me, but he had his iPod on. He would look back at me once in a while, but not want to continue the discussion. And judging from the way he was dressed and the heavy backpack filled with leather bound books that he carried, I assumed that he was probably a law student at Northwestern University.

When he stepped out of the gym, The High and Mighty turned east. Alas, my work is westward. So in the interest of getting to work in a timely manner, I gave up on him. Hence this letter to The High and Mighty now.

Dear High and Mighty,

My many apologies for my social faux pas at the locker room. I want you to understand that I normally and typically would frown on people who carry on a phone conversation (or conference call) in the middle of a locker room as well. I knew it wasn't right, and my sincerest apologies.

But mothereffer, what bothered me was the fact that you saw me buck naked, and you heard and saw my phone and pager going off, to which I was frantically trying to respond to. Please don't flatter yourself into thinking that I like to show off my personal package instead of prioritizing putting on my underwear first.

When you returned from your shower, you saw me half naked, but you also clearly saw my badge that clearly stated that I work for a hospital. You of all people know that a majority of the patrons at this gym are employees of this hospital: doctors, nurses and technical staff like myself. It is not like their badges (and pagers) are always hidden from view when entering or leaving the gym. Northwestern University law students come in at a distant second when it comes to patron demographics. You knew that. It was in your gym discount orientation package. In fact, the entire make up of the patrons at our gym are affiliated with either the hospital or your school!

Here's the thing. You have every right to feel offended that I was on a conference call on speakerphone, but seriously, do you have to behave like a little pussy ass girl with a temper tantrum? I gave an honest response, asking what I should've done if I got paged into an emergency. Your response was ill thought out, and without any forethought. How can you expect me to just "go downstairs" when you clearly saw me get paged while I was buck naked and all wet? Your response was so f*cking dumb that I wonder how much your precious daddy had to donate to the school for you to get in.

I know the odds of getting paged in an emergency just as I have stepped out of the shower are pretty slim in the future. But I do know that the odds of this happening to someone in a professional walk of life are higher. So I hope that you will write a project plan on how to deal with this situation when you, The High and Mighty, have become a professional yourself (assuming you graduate some day) and encounter the very same dilemma as I had today. If you can make a better decision and act better than I have given the situation, please do share this with the world. Obviously, just "going downstairs" buck naked cannot be considered a good action plan, because it would involve having the risk of getting arrested for indecent public exposure.

So seriously, I am very interested in how The High and Mighty can act better in this situation.

Sincerely,

John.

PS: I am also sorry that your penis is smaller than mine.

PPS: I hope that when you get old and fat (should you develop some kind of a health problem) that you'll suffer a massive coronary heart attack while your doctor (or the ER doctor) is buck naked in his gym shower, and that he will take his sweet ass time to get dressed and "go downstairs" to respond to his/her nurse's emergency page regarding your health because he/she believed that proper etiquette trumps emergencies.

The Trouble With Sandals

For as long as I can remember, I have always been a socks and shoes kind of a guy. The thought of wearing a pair of shoes without socks? I'd rather eat your grandmothers lacy panties than ever entertaining the thought of wearing a pair of trainers or dress shoes without socks. And it is for this very reason why I have for the longest time in my life avoided wearing sandals, or any kind of footwear that involves open feet.

Well, I do have to say that there was a brief moment in my early adult life that I actually wore a special kind of sandals, which was all strappy; one that had multiple straps that go over your foot from either side. Nothing got in the way between my toes. But even then, and my friends from that era of my life can fully attest, I still opted to wear socks along with that strappy sandal. Thank God I was nowhere near the fashion police. Was it fear of my feet getting exposed to the elements, like say, air? I don't know. Was it my desire to keep my feet nice and smooth to the touch, so that there aren't huge calluses built up on top of the sports calluses I had already built up in high school varsity basketball years? Not sure either.

But in either case, I have always avoided sandals. A hot August day in extreme humid Chicago? Socks and shoes. A stroll down the beach in Florida with my friends while vacationing in the summertime? Socks and shoes.

Until...

Well, some time near the end of last year, a friend and I were strolling through a running expo when we encountered a booth run by Crocs. Unlike myself, I'm sure most of you have heard of and bought Crocs years ago before they became a fad among teens and mothers unwilling to let go of their yuppie youth. Much like how I joined MySpace and Facebook only after they were no longer the in thing to do.

Anyway, I finally gave a pair of Crocs sandals a shot, and oh my gosh!!! They were scooshy and comfortable. They were nothing like the sandals I have ever owned as a kid, or the one and only kind I had in my young adulthood. Despite its exorbitant sticker price, I bought a pair! Only to sit in my plastic bag for months on end...

But when the day finally came for me to wear my new Crocs sandals, I began loving it. By then, it was already winter, so my chance of wearing them were as frequent as giving your little kitties a bath. But for every moment when I had to wear them, such as going down to the laundry room, or a brisk walk here and there, they worked marvelously.

Of course, sometimes I forget things given the span of time. Until today. I knew after running my half marathon, my feet would want to do some sort of rest and relaxation. What better way to pamper my own feet after they had helped me accomplish what I did than by going through the travel day wearing the Crocs I had bought the previous Fall?

Everything was hunky dorey. The drive from Fredericksburg to Baltimore was comfortable. The ride from the airport rental car station to the airport terminal was not so much comfortable. As the shuttle turned a corner, a luggage tipped over towards me. As I would usually do as if I was wearing regular shoes, I used my feet to prop the luggage back up. Only problem now was that when the heavy luggage got on top of my feet, it crushed a couple toes. And boy, did it hurt!

But that alone wasn't the problem. After snaking through the dumbest bright idea TSA came up for BWI's security checkpoint, I decided to head to the restroom and rid myself of some liquid that I had held in for hours. There were about six urinals open, and a guy was already using urinal number two. So being the smart gentleman, I went to urinal number four so as to give him some space. You know, this is a silent code of conduct that every man knows in regards to urinals. But as soon as I began letting my stream go, an old man (which, by the way, I have nothing against old people; it was simply an observation) came up to the bank of urinals and picked urinal number five, which was right next to me. When of all other urinals, he could have still maintained his code of conduct without being next to me.

Urgh!!! I mean, that bothered me somewhat, but not nearly to the extent of what happened next. I don't understand this, as urinals typically have a drip lip at the bottom, but sometimes I have always wondered why there were so much pee on the floor despite the innovative urinal design. And this old bugger somehow managed to splash his pee all over the place! And being right next to me, guess where some of that splatter landed?

On my exposed right foot. Which happened to be wearing my Crocs sandals. Open... Feet...

My jaws dropped to the ground. I was in shock. I was in utter disgust. I have never for once splattered myself while using the urinal, but how the hell did this old fart manage to pee and splatter onto me? As I muttered a muffled "mothereffer" and shook my head, I was then reminded of a similar incident over a month ago when I wore the Crocs to a movie theatre.

God, I need to remember lessons like this. So yeah, the trouble with wearing sandals is that although they are comfortable as they expose your feet to the elements, they also expose your feet to the unwanted elements, such as other peoples' pee. Or if you wear them to a bar, other peoples' drinks. Or the hot drunk chick's puke, whom you've been bumping and grinding the last half hour. Of course, other than the pee incident, the other scenarios are simply conjectural in nature. But one cannot help but imagine...

So yeah, I'm not sure if wearing sandals really suit me anymore. Of all the benefits I get from wearing them, I think the thought of being peed on is quite a rather turn off. Not even if I got stung by a jellyfish, which would necessitate someone peeing on me.

So yeah, that's the trouble with sandals.

Fool Me Once, Shame On...

What's that saying, that Dubya claims to have originated from both Tennessee and Texas?

Anyway, about a month ago, I was working late one evening. Around 19:00, I decided to pack up and leave. As it was a cold and wintry day, I decided to cut through the hospital on my way to my parking garage. The hospital, at least the Galter Pavilion part of it, locks down the door to the public at 19:00, I was hoping that the security guys didn't make their rounds on time.

That night, my hope yielded. As it was already 19:05, the doors were still unlocked. As I crossed the street from my building towards the Galter Pavilion, some black guy came up to me, steps before the revolving door. As I was about to brush him off, he started giving me a spiel about how he was a patient at the hospital, and that when he left near closing time, he realized that he had left his wallet at the doctor's office. He couldn't retrieve it, because the office had already closed, and that he was told by security that he would have to come back the next day. Then he proceeded to plead with me that without his wallet, there was no way for him to get home.

I thought to myself, what the hell. So I gave him five dollars, and proceeded to go on my way. For the most part, the story sounded legit, as the Galter Pavilion is an outpatient facility. And plus, he didn't really look like a bum. In fact, he didn't smell like one either.

Well, fast forward to this past week. As I was leaving work late again, I saw him out by the Galter Pavilion. As I crossed the street, he began to target me. I recognized him right away, and he did too a few seconds after he repeated his spiel. Then he walked away.

Damn right, bitch! Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. And I wasn't about to let this guy fool me twice, cos I would've raised hell and demanded a fucking refund! Now you know why I'm not always generous with strangers.

Are Americans In General STUPID?!?

Okay, aside from the current president, I don't think Americans in general are stupid. Sure, Americans have for years been lagging behind citizens of other countries, including third world and developing nations, on math and science, but I have for the longest time defended the notion that in general, Americans are not exactly stupid.

I have taken this stance even before I became an American citizen myself back in 2005, including way before as in when I was merely an international student in college (1996 through 2001). Sure, the other kids in class tend to sit next to me so they can copy my answers, and I was always the one who answered questions thrown out by the professor, but I typically attributed why most American students wouldn't dare raise their hands to the fact that Americans are typically shy when speaking out in public, including public forums such as classrooms.

But today, I'm starting to think that maybe, with a slight possibility, that Americans in general might be stupid. Case in point: Aluminum. First of all, despite the fact that the ancient Greeks and Romans have used aluminum compounds for different purposes, Humphry Davy in 1808 discovered aluminum in its base metal form. He called the pure metal aluminium. In every country where the Roman alphabet is used, this common metal is spelled with an i at the end, except for the United States! What the hell??? But I am not going to go into this spelling debate, as there is something more important at stake for this topic...

So what prompted me today to get on this topic? Well, I went down to the Corner Bakery Café to get a simple lunch: pesto pasta with bread. When I got back to my cubicle and began eating, I noticed that although my pasta was still hot, my grilled bread has quickly turned cold. And there is a very legitimate reason, because my grilled bread was wrapped in aluminum foil with the wrong side facing out!!!

Okay, for the average reader, you probably are wondering why that mattered. Trust me, the majority of my friends would share the same reaction as you, which quite frankly, is helping me make my case here. Do Americans lack the urge to be curious? I mean, when I saw aluminum foil for the first time when I was a kid, aside from learning quickly that the edge can slice my skin open, I immediately noticed that one side of it is shiny and the other side is dull! Of course, I quickly learned in junior high why that is so. But let's not get into that just yet.

If you have no idea why I'm going off and off on some stupid aluminum foil, let me dare you to try an experiment. Go bake some lasagna in the oven, with two separate casserole dishes. Give each dish the same ingredients and the same amount. And make sure the dishes are of the exact same size, shape and manufacturer. Now, cover one casserole dish with an aluminum foil with the shiny side up, and cover the other with the dull side up. Leave both on the same rack, and bake both together per the instructions as far as time and temperature goes. What do you think will happen? Let's get back to this later...

The incident with the Corner Bakery Café today wasn't the first of its kind to happen to me. There was once when a friend, who will remain anonymous, who baked some delicious food with the aluminum foil with the wrong side up. Thankfully, the food was not frozen, and it was quick to cook. Nobody got salmonella out of that. Then there was this one time when I went to a non-chain deli store and ordered a nice, warm Italian sandwich. Since the store wraps their sandwiches in aluminum foil, I noticed that they were wrapping everybody's warm sandwiches with the wrong side up!

My favorite aluminum story of all? The 2005 Chicago Marathon. Whenever the Chicago Marathon ends up occurring during cold weather, race organizers have always provided finishers with warming blankets. Warming blankets are nothing more than the thinnest and cheapest version of emergency fire blankets used by fire fighters. Anyway, in 2005, I noticed that all marathon finishers were given warming blankets with the Chicago Marathon and LaSalle Bank logos printed on the wrong side! Of course, nobody wore the blankets with the logos inside and the non-logo side outside, so everybody was wearing it the wrong way, save for a few runners which I proudly commend for their brilliancy.

[Please note: A few years ago, a team of firefighters in California died in a passing forest fire that they couldn't beat due to lack of training. Basically, if the wind kicks up and you cannot outrun the fire, you are trained to pull out the emergency fire blankets and cover yourself in it and stay on the ground. This will only last you a few minutes, but most fast blazing forest fires will blow by within the average few minutes. Anyway, autopsy revealed that this young team of firefighters burned to death because they didn't have the necessary training, since they wore their emergency fire blankets made of aluminum the wrong side up!!!]

So let's get back to the basics. I learned in basic, generic science class in seventh grade that the shiny side of aluminum reflects heat, whereas the dull side absorbs heat. Sure, it was covered again in chemistry as well as physics in my high school years, but it was first taught in basic science in seventh grade! [Note that I went to a school that uses American curriculum.]

In the case of my grilled bread for lunch, had the food preparer used the aluminum foil with the dull side out and the shiny side in facing my bread, the grilled bread would still have been nice and warm by the time I got upstairs. That's because the shiny side would have reflected the heat from the bread back into the bread!

In the case of my friend who cooked that chicken, had my friend baked the chicken with the shiny side in and the dull side facing the oven, the food would have been cooked significantly faster. And I wouldn't have accused my friend of trying to poison me with salmonella.

In the case of the 2005 Chicago Marathon, nobody got to stay warm except for the handful of runners who actually wore their warming blankets with the dull side out, and the shiny side (with the logos) in. Basically, their body heat escaping the bodies would have been reflected back into their own body, while the dull side facing out would have absorbed as much heat from the sun as possible. 95% of the finishers were probably wondering why they continued wearing defective warming blankets when they know they still remained cold.

So can you guess what would have happened to your lasagna casserole? If you guessed that the lasagna covered with the dull side up would have turned out perfect, you're right. And the one with the shiny side up? Well, you better learn how to heat up lasagna in the microwave if you have guests waiting for dinner.

Long story short: How the hell can so many people make this damn mistake? Seriously! How can the company that makes warming blankets allow the logos to be printed on the wrong side, and have 35,000 such blankets distributed?!? You would think that a company that specializes in the manufacturing of warming blankets would have caught this mistake if it was done by them! Worse yet, if it was specifically ordered by the race organizers like that, the manufacturer should have given a warning and try to correct the problem!

So, back to my question. Are Americans in general stupid? Something as simple as a piece of effing aluminum foil cannot even be used correctly! What's next? Using Q-Tips® as toothpicks, and plastic Saran® wraps as condoms? You decide... Before today, my answer had always been no. But today, I am sooo on the fence on this one...

If I get food wrapped up the wrong way in aluminium ever again, I swear on the baby lord Jesus, I am going to sit there and provide a free lecture!

Another Reason Why I Hate American Airlines

In my seven years of traveling professionally, I have come to loath United Airlines for various reasons. It seemed like an overwhelming majority of the flight attendants on United Airlines were downright mean spirited and had piss poor attitude. Not only did they publicly display how much they hate their job, and how they don't care for what they do, they also treat passengers like people who got in their way of completing their crossword puzzles and catching up on celebrity gossip. On top of that, they roll their eyes if you ask for another cup of water, as if four ounces was considered way too much for any passenger on a four hour flight.

I avoided United Airlines as much as I could in those seven years. If I could help it, I would always fly Southwest Airlines. Besides a few rotten apples in their flight attendant squadron (which I encountered perhaps once every 15 flights), the overall experience has been phenomenally awesome. And if business dictated a trip to a location where Southwest Airlines did not fly to, I would try to fly either Northwest Airlines or Continental Airlines. Third on the preference list was American Airlines.

Well, after the wonderful encounter on February 20 with an American Airlines flight attendant, I began to wonder if her personality was morphed due to the morale at work. But today, I think my suspicion is correct. Her racist and demeaning attitude was not only a reflection of herself, but a reflection of the workplace environment too. Just ask Carine Desir. All she wanted was oxygen in time of medical need, yet the American Airlines flight attendant refused her request twice. The flight attendant only decided to provide oxygen after other passengers became agitated at him/her. And to put the cherry on the top, the flight attendant gave Carine two empty canisters of oxygen!!!

Right...... I will not fly American Airlines ever, if I can help it, because A) the odds of having rude flight attendants on board is probably pretty high, and B) they don't have functional safety equipment on board!!! Nice... Real nice... I hope the FAA and NTSB get on AMR like white on rice.

"Asian Fucker"

I had the misfortune of staying at work till 20:43 today. As I left work and walked towards my downtown parking garage in the bone-chilling cold, I stopped by a grocery store along the way to warm up just a bit and pick up some bananas. Afterwards, it was just like any other commute home, sans traffic.

When I finally got to my corner, I turned and drove into the garage. Fortunately, there was another vehicle in front of me. I thought, she could roll down her window and swipe her access card to open the garage, while I keep my windows shut and stay warm and cozy. As the garage door opened, her car began inching forward, and I along did the same. But suddenly, she stopped her SUV with just a foot left to clear the door.

Bewildered, I waited patiently. I thought maybe she had dropped her access card in her car, and had to bend down to pick it up. I've done that myself several times. But then, a near minute had passed. Then I saw through her rear windshield that she was holding onto her cellular phone, all lit up like she was either texting or on a call. I thought, Great! Her car died in the driveway to the garage!!!

But then suddenly, she put her vehicle into drive, and moved forward an inch before stopping yet again. Hmm... That's odd. I got out of my SUV to check things out, thinking maybe she might need some kind of assistance.

When I walked up to her door, I noticed that her window was still down. But before I could say anything, I got barked at with, "I'm not letting you in! I don't know who you are!"

I was taken aback. So I kindly replied, "Uhm, miss, I live here." To that, she ordered, "I don't care, but you need to swipe your card! Or I'm going to call the cops!"

With that, I was even more shocked with such un-neighborly conduct. When most of the residents in my building recognize me, and when all of the staff and the association board members especially know who I am, I was a bit irritated by this yahoo I have never ever seen before in my four years of living in my building.

So I walked back to my car, grabbed my access card, and walked back up to her SUV. Her window was rolled up, so I tapped her window and did better than swiping my access card. I showed her my access card. You have to understand, our building uses the most non-standard and quite arguably the oldest access systems known to men, that any tenant in possession of the access card can recognize that it is the same.

Suddenly, she flung her door open! I jumped back just as the top corner of her door frame barely missed my face. Then a loud crash. Her door slammed into the garage door rail. I looked down to see if there was any damage, but before I could adjust my eyes, this woman jumped out of her car and got in my face.

Woman (screaming): Get away from my car!
John (calmly speaking): Well, here's my card. Can we go now? I am cold.
Woman (screaming): Step away from my car! Get out of my face!
John (calmly speaking): Uhm, I'm not in your face, and there's more than a foot between us.
Woman (screaming): I tell you! Swipe your card, or I will call the cops!
John (calmly speaking): Are you serious? [Chuckles and smiles at woman.] Seriously? I live here. For a long time. Just ask Omar. (I saw Omar, one of our building engineers, in the lobby when I drove into my driveway.)
Woman (screaming): I don't care who you know! I don't know who fucking Omar is!
John (a little bit irritated): You don't even know who works in this building?
Woman (screaming): I don't care! Get out of my fucking face! Or I call cops!
John (sarcastically laughing): Lady, I don't want to fuck your ugly face.
Woman (screaming): This is the policy. You must swipe your access card. Or I call the cops!
John (calmly speaking): You go right ahead. This is a private property, and there is nothing the cops can do when they get here. Don't you know that?
Woman (screaming and pointing her finger at John's face, damn near poking him in the eye): Oh yeah! I call cops now! [Dialing some numbers that did not match up to 9-1-1.]
John (laughing): Really? Seriously, just ask Omar who I am! I don't even know who you are!
Woman (screaming): I don't care, you Asian fucker!
John: ...
Woman (screaming): I call the...
John: Did you just play the race card, you racist?
Woman (screaming): Yeah, you fucking Asian fucker!
John: Oh my gosh! You're a racist!
Woman (screaming): You're going to jail! I call the cops!

By this point, I became quite angry with this woman. I was speechless. Truth be told, there was a split second when I felt the urge to take a step forward and slam my forehead into her filthy mouth. But then I realized that I gotta be smarter than that. So I just laughed at her and shook my head in disgust.

John: I can't believe you don't even know who Omar is!
Woman (screaming): I don't care who Omar is. I don't know who he fucking is!
John (walking to the window and motioning the woman towards him): That's Omar! And look, Ronnie (doorman) is here too!
Woman (refuses to walk over to John): I don't know who Ronnie is!
John: What? You don't even know our own doorman?!?

So I turned away, and waved at Ronnie. I asked Ronnie to come out and talk some sense into this woman. Just as Ronnie got up, his phone rang. As soon as he picked it up to answer, I heard the crazy woman screaming to somebody else. I took a step back, and realized that she just called the doorman instead of the cops.

When Ronnie finally hung up, this crazy woman had a smirk on her face. I just stood there, and watched her. Finally, Ronnie appeared, and I quickly said, "Hey, what's up Ronnie!" He asked what's going on. Before I could begin saying a word, this woman started screaming and began lying about the events that transpired.

I had enough of that crap, so I decided not to say anything and stepped back. With each lie that got spouted out of her filthy mouth, I was behind her gesturing at Ronnie with the she's crazy sign with my index finger circling around my ear, and gesturing the male masturbation hand signal. Ronnie finally interjected with, "Lady, you have a serious road rage issue. I know John. He is a good guy, and he lives here. Just park your car."

Oh boy oh boy oh boy! This woman became livid! She started screaming at Ronnie even more incoherently. I turned to get into my car, but just then, another resident pulled up into the driveway behind me. This guy looked confused. I turned towards the woman and yelled, "Hey lady! There's another car behind now. Do you want to ask him to swipe his access card? Or can we all just get in now?!?"

The woman turned and looked at the other car. Then she started screaming about how there is a policy and everybody needs to follow it, and that she will not let anybody through the garage door. Ronnie shot back with, "I know who they are. You cannot enforce security policies. If you have an issue, file a complaint with the board."

The woman finally realized that she was fighting an uphill battle. So she got in the car and peeled off into the garage. Finally! As I pulled forward, Ronnie leaned into my car and said, "Just ignore her. She's just being Queen Elizabeth." I was confused, but just laughed and drove on.

When I parked my vehicle, I noticed that this woman was only a few spots away from me, and that she was still in her SUV! I thought, Great! She's so going to key my car! But I didn't care. I proceeded to walk past her car and go about my way.

I went to pick up my mail, then walked to the lobby to chat with Ronnie. I asked why he referred that crazy woman as "Queen Elizabeth." It turned out that she is really into royalty, and acts like she is one. He said that I should ignore her, and that she was... Then he cut himself short before saying, "Never mind."

So I jumped in and told him that I was calm for the most part, until I came this close to head butting her in the face just for calling me an "Asian fucker." Ronnie's eyes got really big, and I saw the most white out of him ever! (Ronnie's black.) He then proceeded to tell me that he wanted to warn me that he thinks she is a Nazi, but didn't want to start rumors. But since she had already called me what she spewed out, he felt more assured.

I prodded him with more questions as to why he thought that. He then told me that about three years ago, just about the time she was thinking about buying a condo unit in the building, she had asked him about how many blacks, Asians and Mexicans were living in the building. And that she has a huge reputation in the building. Not a good one, for sure.

My jaw dropped to the ground. I was in disbelief.

Then Omar came over and told me that when she moved in, she asked him the same question. Omar said that he scolded her by saying that his granddaughter is black and that color didn't matter. (Omar is white.)

Un-effing-believable!!!

Suddenly, I saw her appear on the security monitor at the front desk. She had finally gotten out of the garage, with luggage bags in tow. She waited by the freight elevator, while Ronnie explained to me that she works as a flight attendant for American Airlines. Interesting. Then I noticed on the security monitor that she looked towards the lobby, then ditched the freight elevator. At first I thought she wanted to have a second confrontation with me, but she simply went to pick up her mail.

Ronnie continued telling me the background of this woman, about how cheap she was. Like not wanting to pay the move-in fee when she first bought the condo, never mind the fact that the fee has been written into the by-laws forever and a day.

Finally, I noticed that she had propped half her luggage against the elevator door, and went back to get the rest from the mail room. I quickly bid adieu to Ronnie, and said, "If she's a racist, I'm going to make her ride the elevator up with an 'Asian fucker.'" So I ran to the elevator just as she got in and pressed the button.

The crazy woman looked up and saw who I was, and started screaming, "I am not fucking using this elevator with you. You can have it!" She began moving all her luggage out of the elevator car, and I just stared at her and said, "Wow, you truly are a racist, aren't you?"

"I don't want to share it with a fucking Asian fucker!"

Un-effing-believable... I was simply amazed as I rode the elevator up by myself sans crazy bitch. I cannot believe that I have a Nazi living amongst us, a building just as diverse as Chicago itself. Especially in 2008. More prodding later on revealed that this crazy woman came from Czechoslovakia, and owns unit 1504. That is exactly six floors beneath my very unit. And apparently, she parks in space number 42. I took a picture of her Ohio license plate, and am considering getting some background information on this racist bitch.

Maybe I'll do some secret gift giving and send her a copy of The Schindler's List Collector's Edition DVD or something like that. =) You know, cos I'm just a nice guy. Or one who only sleeps with Asians, so she thought.

Dirty Dancing

As I was driving to the gym in the butt crack of dawn earlier this week, I heard over the radio about how some Chicagoland school district canceled the remaining school dances for 2008 because of "dirty dancing." At first I chuckled, but then the radio DJ's said something about how the middle school students were bumping and grinding and showing too much skin.

It's funny, because the night before that, I was actually screwing around on YouTube, and watched a few videos. Then I came upon this funny video of three dudes lip syncing to the song, Barbie Girl. Then at the end, I got curious as to what YouTube suggested you should also watch that are related.

I was shocked to see that someone had put up a video of a fifth grade talent show! I wasn't necessarily shocked at the mere fact that someone posted this video on the Internet, but that three fifth graders were doing a dance to the Barbie Song as a talent show! I want to know who the dumb ass teacher who approved the use of this crap music, especially when the lyrics include: "You can brush my hair, undress me anywhere; imagination, life is your creation;" "Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky;" and "You can touch, you can play, you can say I'm always yours."

Seriously!!! As if the song wasn't crappy to begin with, it is riddled with crap lyrics, and degrading to women. And some dump ass teacher thought that the song is appropriate for use in a talent show? WTF?

So yeah, in a nutshell, I wasn't really that surprised to hear about the canceled dirty dancing. Kids nowadays are so much different than when I was in fifth grade. Or middle school...

Link to the news article about the Frankfort Park school district dirty dancing.
Link to the stupid talent show video.

Hotel a la Carte

For some odd reason, the Hilton Seattle no longer has the IBM negotiated rate in 2008. Instead of the usual suspects of hotels that usually pop up in the IBM online travel reservation tool, I was presented with a whole set of unfamiliar new hotels! The Hotel Vintage Park by Kimpton looked interesting, because it looked like a nice and classic hotel with rich interior decors. Plus, the website did a good job selling that property that I was won over. So I booked my stay at the Hotel Vintage Park.

When I arrived, I was quickly under whelmed. The room was tiny. And worst of all, the lobby could not provide me with complimentary toothpaste like most other hotel chains such as the Hilton or Marriott! Instead, I was forced to go through this basket filled with bottled waters, snacks, candies, a DVD about the state of Washington, and other miscellaneous junk. This basket contained a small, travel-sized package of toothpaste. I looked at the basket price list, which was separate from the mini-bar price list, and was shocked to see that I would be charged four freaking dollars for a toothpaste that was probably expired!

Bastards!

At first, I didn't deduct many points off of my personal review of this hotel. I was still relatively impressed, given the rich linens used in the bedding, and the interior décor. I thought it was rather neat at how they made the hotel room all romantic. The entire hotel had a wine theme, and each room was given a Washington winery name on top of the usual room numbers. I thought that was cute. And plus, I have read online that the hotel is good for romantic getaways and couples.

Then I kind of got a little nauseated later on. I noticed that perhaps the hotel was a bit too romantic. I mean, I'm on a business trip, and I expected the IBM negotiated hotels to be more on the professional side instead of romantic. All along the wall next to the bed was a giant mirror, extending the entire length of the king size bed. All the décor had red color as its central theme. And in the closet hung a couple soft and supple bathrobes with leopard prints.

LEOPARD PRINTS!!!

And to make things all the more kinky, I saw in the aforementioned basket price list an item costing $14 called, "Intimacy Kit." When I saw that, I quickly stared at the bed, and hoped that the linen was super cleaned with no remnants of any human DNA left. This would be my turning point in my personal review of this property from good to bad.

Then, as nature would have it, nature called. I went to the bathroom, and at first glance, things looked fine. But perched atop the toilet flush tank cover was yet another price list. Holy shit! Apparently, they charge you for almost every single thing, including the cotton swabs that are typically complimentary at most other hotels!

When I had finished dropping the kids off at the pool, I turned towards the toilet paper. Right before I tore off some squares, I made sure that there was no rolling counter installed on the toilet paper dispenser, as well as double-checking the bathroom price list to ensure that I wouldn't be charged extra for each sheet of luxury toilet paper.

Thank goodness the toilet paper was free. I have never, ever stayed in such an a la carte hotel that nickel and dime'd its guests! One thing was for sure though. I will never again stay at another Kimpton hotel ever again. Not even for my future honeymoon, if God willing.

The Mile High Club

[Note: I originally wrote this blog on the plane a long time ago, and never publised it. While cleaning up my laptop before I return it to IBM, I discovered this somewhat dated material. Why waste it, right? So here you go...]

Ever since my college friend's then-boyfriend bragged about getting it on with her while on a plane, I have always wondered about what it would be like to join the ranks of the famous rockers of years past, and the elite few who were able to do the nearly impossible.

As someone who is totally afraid of germs and getting sick, I try my utmost best not to use the lavatory on planes other than to take a piss. But in all of my travels, nearly twice a week domestically for the last six and a half years and a few international flights scattered in, I have only taken a big ol' dump on the plane just once. It was out of sheer desperation, for otherwise I would never allow myself such nastiness. And given that it was a newer Boeing 737-700 with the redesigned lavatories affording bigger space, I still managed to have a near impossible time bending my torso and navigating myself in a lavatory just to take a dump. By myself.

Yeah, you can say that I'm a very curious person. And I, too, covet that honorary medal of the mile high club. But given the logistic of things, namely the physics of two bodies thrusting in synchronization, I thought it was practically impossible. Hell, I was bumping walls and knocking my elbows and knees just to get my pants down to shit! Unless, of course, you charter one of those specialty flights I once blogged about. (Click on the link to read the story.)

Then, my sliver of a dream finally came true, with the Airbus A380. If you're not familiar with at least commercial aviation, I pity you the ignorant. ;-) Anyway, the Airbus A380 is the newest largest plane to navigate our skies, taking the trophy away from the venerable Boeing 787. Originally, nobody thought the plane would ever fly, fearing that no airline will purchase one, and no airport will want to accommodate such monstrosity. After all, it is a double-decker plane!!!

Well, Singapore Airlines became the first airline to take flight with its new aircraft. It is also one of the first to reveal its cabin configuration, something which is considered almost a trade secret among airlines when it comes to seating capacity, arrangement, and the sorts before flying its new fleet of new model planes.

I was rather pleased to learn that Singapore Airlines will be the first airline ever to provide a cabin with a double bed! Aha! So there is still a way of being inducted into the Mile High Club. Yes, my dream continues to live! Just as long as I earn enough money to pay for something like that, seeing how my bare inability to pay even coach fare when traveling abroad even now.

And the best parts of it all? It's not like one of those semi-private partitions where fellow passengers can see you when they stand up, but a real room with walls! And to put the final cherry on that cake, endless champagne is included. Sounds like one of those all-inclusive resorts in Mexico to me, except in the air!!!

Of course, all good things, or imaginations, must come to a crashing end. Times of London had this to report in its article on the new double bed cabin:
"A380 may have the world's first airborne double bed, but it won't be put to the obvious use if Singapore Airlines has its way." (Note: I added the emphasis.)

Of course, Singapore Airlines spokesperson Stephen Forshaw had this to say about the potential hanky panky after Singapore Airlines' inaugural Airbus A380 flight:
"If couples used our double beds to engage in inappropriate activity, we would politely ask them to desist."

Damn!

What a perfect waste of unlimited champagne. =)

Brown Can Do More For Me!

When I was in college, I didn't care which courier I used when I ship important things. Just as long as it was not the United States Postal Service, I was content. Then later on, FedEx gave me the opportunity to open an account, and along with that, a small discount on all shipping services as long as I prepare shipments online.

Things with FedEx were okay. I mean, they have never disappointed me. But at the same time, I have never had to rely on them too heavily, such as an emergency rush of a delivery, or whatever.

To me, whether I ship my things through FedEx, UPS or DHL, they are all about the same to me. Much like how careless I could give when deciding between bottled waters from Dasani or Aquafina. Despite my indifference in shipping preferences, I have always noticed that whenever I order things online, UPS seems to be quite generous.

For example, I ordered something online that would be shipped from California. I wasn't in a hurry to get it, so I chose the cheapest UPS service: UPS Ground. Now mind you, UPS 3 Day would be significantly more, but I wasn't in a hurry. But whenever I track the package, I could see that it was making its way pretty quickly to Chicago! And before I knew it, the package was delivered ahead of schedule. In three days! And that instance wasn't the only time UPS had delivered my purchases speedily. I've always thought that the reason why it was quick to get to Chicago was because UPS must use Chicago as a regional sorting facility.

Well, having known that all along, I still ship my own packages out through FedEx. Like I said, the choice didn't matter to me, so I always go with FedEx because I already had an account with them.

But this will cease and desist from this day forth! I will not patronize FedEx anymore. Nosireebob!

Why? Let me show you why. Last week, I sent a tiny package out to a dear friend of mine who lives near Tulsa, Oklahoma. Just look at the picture below, which is the tracking of my package...



Oh man, FedEx really knows how to make customers feel less of a customer. First of all, the package arrived on Christmas Eve, a day that FedEx still make deliveries. Sure, I can understand if they couldn't deliver my package (more like an envelope weighing less than a pound!) on Christmas Eve because they may have a gazillion priority packages to deliver that day. But what about December 26, or 27? They purposely let the small 1 lb envelope sit for two days just because I paid for the Express Saver service! What the hell?!? If it's already there, just deliver the damn thing! Why even wait? Just get the job over with!

Truth be told, I wasn't really pissed about that. I was simply annoyed. But what really made me want to abandon using FedEx is the fact that they left the package on the front door, citing my release authorization! (Look at the picture again.) If you're not familiar with courier services, the sender can authorize the courier to leave the package if nobody is home to sign it. Problem is that I have never made such authorization! WTF?!?

I did some research, and it said that my authorization signature is on file. What?!? Okay, if I were to go to a FedEx facility and process a shipment normally using their paper AirBill, there is a little box at the bottom that allows me to authorize FedEx to deliver without a signature. Leave that exception alone or unchecked, then FedEx will default to requiring signatures just as usual.

Well, when I prepared my shipment online, I didn't explicitly give them the authorization to deliver the package without a signature. In fact, I didn't even go through the Options screen, where I can specify COD, special day pickup/delivery, and delivery signature options. If I didn't go through that, how the hell did FedEx assume that I gave them authorization?

I even went so far as to look through my Account Preferences settings, but I could find no such default authorization for ALL my shipments I prepare online!

So, what's up with FedEx? I'm not pissed yet, but if that package gets stolen, then there will be hell to pay for FedEx! In the meantime, I will never, ever use FedEx for any of my shipping needs anymore. In fact, I'm switching over to Brown, also known as UPS, the company that started out over 100 years ago running illegal drug deliveries in Seattle. I don't care about UPS' tainted past, but it seems like Brown sure knows how to treat their customers right. At least they won't let a package sit for days just for the hell of it.

Why Don't Wii Play

So yeah… I blame my friend Changren for something... One thing.

The last time I played a video game was back in middle school. The first and last video game system I have ever "owned" was the NES, the Nintendo Entertainment System. If there is ever an item representing old school, that would be it.

Later on, in 2001, my first roommate in Kansas City bought a Microsoft Xbox system. He had some kind of a fighting game, along with Halo. He offered me to play Halo with him, and I sucked. Not only did I get some kind of a thumb pain syndrome, but the sheer number of buttons on the Xbox was a little bit daunting. Intimidating would be a better word.

Anyway, after just playing Halo on Xbox for about a quarter of an hour, I simply gave up. Screw this! I threw the controller on the floor, and exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! How the hell do you keep track of eight buttons on a freaking controller?!? What happened to the two buttons, just A and B buttons?!?"

So yeah, playing Xbox for 15 minutes hardly count as real playing. So the NES is the one and only system I've ever played. Now, fast forward to Thanksgiving 2007. Instead of staying home in Chicago and doing the whole turkey dinner thing, I chose to fly out to Seattle on a last minute whim and go kick off the skiing season with my friend Changren and his girlfriend at Whistler, British Columbia.

The plan was to drive up to Canada on Thanksgiving Day, relax that evening, ski on Friday and Saturday, then spend Saturday evening and Sunday morning chilling in Vancouver.

It was during the time while we were at Vancouver where the whole incident happened.

I'm kind of technology savvy. So I have known for a while that the new generation of video game systems has already come out from both Microsoft (Xbox 360), Sony (Playstation 3) and Nintendo (Wii). Yet, I am not one of those people who play video games. When I heard in the news about how long lines were when each of the aforementioned gaming systems went on sale, I laughed heartily. "Those foolish idiots," I'd say. Or something similar.

But while I was in Vancouver, we all went to Changren's friend's place, who happened to have a Wii. To kill time, we all started playing a little bit of Wii Tennis. Although I have never played the game before, but have the training in real tennis, I thought it would not take me long to beat my friend, who is a self-proclaimed "Best Wii Tennis Player."

Needless to say, I kept on losing. But the bigger amazement was the fact that the Wii was easy to play with. I knew how to operate the controller effortlessly in less than 15 minutes, compared to the myriad of confusing buttons in the Xbox I encountered back in 2001!

Alas, despite the short learning curve of the Wii, my friend whopped my ass in Wii Tennis repeatedly. I even tried going for best out of five instead of three, but still lost. And my desire to beat my friend suddenly turned into a scary craving for the Wii. I have lived all of my adult life pretty satisfied without some mind-numbing entertainment device that is hooked up to a television. But as soon as I returned to Chicago, I have suddenly resolved to getting my hands on a Nintendo Wii.

Unfortunately, a quick look-see through many websites and local retailers revealed that the Wii is so hugely popular, despite being out for a year now, that it is sold out. Worse yet, many respectable retailers are practicing near-illegal sales tactics: Bundling the Wii with a bunch of stuff, most of which are not desirable like crappy games, and selling at a higher "bundle" price. It may be a good deal if you so happen to enjoy all the games they bundle, but most likely they're simply crappy games I would never buy.

Facing such a situation like a crack addict unable to find affordable crack, I grew anxious and twitchy. Before long, I became desperate. A browsing through CraigsList revealed that those wanting a quick profit have managed to buy tons of Nintendo Wii and offer them for sale at a significant markup. A $250 gaming system going for $400 up to $550?!? Holy crap! That was worse than daylight robbery! I simply didn't realize that there was such a huge demand for the Nintendo Wii.

Then on Saturday the first of December, Rosa and I happened upon a Best Buy in Evanston while on a targeted shopping spree. I walked around the store secretly hoping that perhaps the demand for Wii affected only Chicago, not a tiny little suburb. Unfortunately, I soon knew enough that the inevitable had happened. Out of stock.

I was ready to give up and leave the store, but Rosa convinced me that I should talk to a store employee and see if perhaps they had any Wiis in the back. I was quite skeptical, but decided to ask an employee nonetheless, only because there were a couple of them talking amongst themselves who were within a few feet.

Of course, the answer was obvious. They were out. As I said my thank you and began to leave, one of them piped up and said, "But just so you know, we are getting 18 Wiis tonight, and they will be on sale tomorrow morning."

WHAT?!?

After asking repeatedly if they were for real and in fact will be getting stock, I got really excited. The thing that sucks about the whole situation, though, is the fact that I would have to go wait in line at the butt crack of dawn. And with just 18 units for sale, chances were pretty good that there will be more than 10 people camping out at the store that evening.

One thing about me is for sure. I'm not a morning person, and even as a crack addict shaking violently for the next hit, I probably wouldn't be waiting in line in the freezing rain for a bag of crack. But I found a way out. You see, another friend of mine had wronged me severely that I thought he could quite possibly make it up to me as he had promised. He could go wait in line for me!

Surprisingly, my friend agreed. But having a sense of doubt that he would be there in line as I had asked, I decided to go there myself. Besides, the prospect of getting my hands on a Wii was so nerve wrecking that I tossed and turned sleeplessly throughout the night. Even though I myself was late in getting to the Best Buy at Evanston, I quickly noticed that my friend had just gotten there too. But he wasn't in the line. Instead, he was texting in the car, while his brother tagged along. He wanted to let me know that there were more than 18 people in the line, and he was giving up and heading home.

So I told him that I was going to take my chances, and that he could leave. No sense for him to be out there in the cold when I was already there. I thought that there was a good chance that A) the store would only sell one unit per customer, and B) not every single individual in line was there for a Wii. I was pretty sure that the big family of five was probably only buying one, but I wouldn't know for sure. So I took my chances.

About an hour before the store was to open for the day, an employee came out of the store with a stack of paper, telling us that he will be passing out certificates guaranteeing those who possess them will be walking out of the store that day with a Wii, and that they wouldn't need to wait in line.

I got really nervous. With just 18 units and almost 30 people in front of me, I thought I was screwed. As I watched the employee inch slowly down the line, I counted the certificates. I hoped against hope that the people in front of me were groups or families who only wanted one. Then I counted 18. Crap!

But strangely, he was still passing out certificates. But I wasn't sure how many he had. Then suddenly, he stood in front of me, and gave me one. Hooray! But after the employee passed out a certificate to a guy at the end of the line, I noticed that he still had some in his hand. I asked him, "Just exactly how many do you have?" "We have about thirty-something left."

I instantly thought, "Maybe I can score one for my sister too!" So I called Rosa, woke her up, and asked her to get to the Best Buy, since she lived pretty close. And my other friend was probably back in bed, so I didn't bother calling him. As time went by while waiting for Rosa to show up, people started to trickle in, hoping to score a Wii. They were mostly shocked that they got one, because they seemed pretty dismayed at the line already there, despite half the people went home with their certificates (which were good till noon that day). Some didn't even bother getting in line, and instead turned around and got in the car. Normally, I would have helped them out and told them that they had more certificates, but not knowing how many were left, I wanted to make sure I get one for my sister.

Finally, Rosa showed up. And surprisingly, she got a certificate. In my jubilation, she reminded me repeatedly that I owe her big time, which I acknowledged. And then, my other friend called. Apparently not wanting to let me down, instead of returning home, he went to the Best Buy on Fullerton to get in line. I told him not to worry about it, because I had gotten a certificate.

Before I knew it, he was back in Evanston with his brother, waiting in line. There were only three certificates left, and my friend and his brother got two. And a funny thing happened. As the employee stood there with the last and final certificate numbered 78, everybody could see there were people just rolling in to score a Wii. Two cars drove past the employee so they could park, and a third car with kids were there by the curb. They wanted the employee to hand the last certificate to them, but the employee told them that they had to go get it.

Excitement quickly built up, one of the guys who had finally parked the car started walking over. The people at the end of the line started screaming, "Hurry up! He's only got one left." To everybody's amazement, the kids didn't even get out of the car. Instead, they were debating and asking the employee to just go over and hand over the certificate. Then the guy who had just parked finally started running over, and snatched the certificate. The kids then asked, "Do you have any more?" They were given a rude awakening. Everybody in the line could not believe that mere laziness stood in the way of them getting a Wii. Unbelievable!

Long story short, the store finally opened, and I got a Wii. And it is fun and crazy addicting. I cannot believe that in nearly 30 years of my life, I have never waited in line for anything, until now. Well, I don't count waiting in line for the embassy to open so that I could get a visa to Malaysia, as for some strange reason the embassy only process a set number of visa requests a day. Weird.

Anyway, that is the story on how I accidentally got the Wii. By pure chance. And I didn't even see the Sunday ad for Best Buy either.

Sa-wiit!!! =)