Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Holy Spam

So exactly last week, I got this email from God saying hello. No big deal, right? Except today, God is saying hello again!


I didn't know God was a spammer!

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Wednesday, August 08, 2007

OMG! God Has Email!!!

I checked my email a few moments ago. To my surprise, God said hello! Through email! Now I want to know what service provider he has...

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Friday, May 04, 2007

You Better Burn That Tampon!!!

What really tickles me fancy red is the Christian right. People from this group generally tend to be wealthy and quite hypocritical. If you look at the popular Christians who have the ability to influence public policy, they are extremely wealthy and prefer laws or policies that will help them stay rich. {Read: Always pushing for lower taxes for the wealthy.} Not that I am envious of their wealth, but I do believe that the wealthy should be able to contribute to the betterment of society at large, not just themselves. {Read: John leans towards socialism in the political spectrum.}

Then there is the hypocrisy. Prime examples of our time? (1) Ted Haggart having a steady male prostitute and pot, while preaching that homosexuality is wrong and influencing public policy surrounding it. (2) Rush Limbaugh fighting tooth and nail to stay out of jail for his illegal Oxycodin addiction, after years of repeatedly preaching that illegal drug users should be sent away to jail. (3) Bill O'Reilly, who I consider an extreme right-wing conservative pretending to be independent, and his sick, sexual fantasies involving loofah. C'mon! Don't get me wrong; everyone has a skeleton or two in their closet, myself not excluded.

What really bothers me about Christians and their doctrines dolled out left and right is the hypocrisy that wraps around the crap they sometimes preach. {That is not to say that I disagree with all their preaching.} How many Christians have you come to know personally, including preachers who claimed to have graduated from some yada yada seminary, who actually consume shellfish like shrimp, lobster, scallops, and the likes on a regular basis? Quite a lot, I'd imagine. Hmm... Interesting how the Bible explicitly states that it is a sin to eat shellfish.

Why don't churches preach that men (or boys) who masturbate and waste their semen are subjected to eternal damnation, and that if semen were to leave the body (except in sex between married man and woman), he must get rid of his clothes and bathe with water, and be declared unclean and untouchable by a woman (or girl) till the next evening? Likewise, why don't churches preach that women (or girls) be deemed unclean and untouchable by a man (or boy) during the seven days of her menstrual discharge, and that she must burn her menstrual cloth (or tampon or pad in today's world)? Holy crap! I think I shook hands with a female executive, and now I wonder if she was on the rags or not, because I may be totally unclean!

To me, it seems like Christians pick and choose their sins. Isn't it in the Bible that states that all sins are sins, and that God does not declare one sin to be greater than another?

And why the hell is John going on and on about this?

What got my panty all scrunched up was the fact that these very Christians are "mobilizing" their brain-washed troops to oppose and fight a hate crimes bill that just passed the House of Representatives. With that, our idiot of a president Dubya is vowing to veto the bill should it reach the White House to be signed into law. Basically, this bill extends the coverage of victims of hate crimes to include those with sexual orientation and gender identity or disability. {Funny how Dubya is starting to get into a veto frenzy as soon as the Democrats won the Congress. So much for trying to go through two terms without a single veto.}

Now, don't get me wrong. I am not gay and particularly fancy of gay practices, although I at times do enjoy a little bit of girl-on-girl action, if you know what I mean. But I don't believe in dictating how others should live their happy lives. And I also believe that all people, gay or not, "are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." If a black person's rights are infringed upon because of his skin color, it is perfectly okay to go after those attackers under the hate crimes law. But what I don't understand is why we can't apply the same legal obligation when hate crimes are committed against those people who happen to gay.

Are these Christian evangelists trying to teach that hate is wrong, with the exception of hating gay people? Seriously! How f**ked up is that point of view? Why can't these haters just love one another, just like what Jesus taught? Who are we to judge other people? I guess I'm going to the depths of hell because I routinely wear clothes made with mixed fibers, especially when I run or participate in sports. Damn! In that case, I guess I better swing by Red LobsterĀ® for their unlimited shrimp dinners before I kick the bucket just for good measure.

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Thursday, January 25, 2007

Watch Out! I May Be Gay!

I consider myself a Christian. I subscribe to the basic universal beliefs of my religion for the most part. But in this modern day and age, I also believe in respect, tolerance and coexistence. There is certainly no room for ignorance and bigotry in my world. My God does not hate or discriminate.

While running 5.5 miles after returning home from work tonight, I learned of something interesting. Apparently a "Christian" website, Love God's Way, has published a list of "Gay Bands" warning parents of possible homosexual influences on children. Seeing that the list includes some of my favorite bands, I'm just left wondering why I haven't jumped over the fence and play for the other team after all these years. Could it be because the website author is full bull crap?!?

I seriously wonder if the author of the "Gay Band" list even knows the lyrics of all the songs of each artist to assist in determining the qualifying gay factors. John Mayer? Frank Sinatra? Phish? Nirvana? Eminmen [sic]? Oh, and by the way, if you're going to put some artist in some list for some silly reason, it is highly recommended that the artist's name be spelled correctly. Here is the list in verbatim as of 2007.01.25. And I'll just put [sic] here to denote all the author's misspellings below. =)

The Spores (endorse suicide)
Scissor Sisters
Rufus Wainwright
Merzbau
Ravi Shankar
Wilco
Bjork
Tech N9ne
Ghostface Killah
Bobby Conn
Morton Subotnik
Cole Porter
The String Cheese Incident
Eagles of Death Metal
Polyphonic Spree
The Faint
Interpol
Tegan and Sara
Erasure
Le Tigre
The Gossip
The Magnetic Fields
The Doors
Phish
Queen
The Strokes
Sufjan Stevens
Morrissey(?questionable?)
The Pet Shop Boys
Metallica
Judas Priest
The Village People
The Secret Handshake
The Rolling Stones
David Bowie
Frankie Goes to Hollywood
Man or Astroman
Richard Cheese
Jay-Z
Depeche Mode
Kansas
Ani DiFranco
Fischerspooner
John Mayer
Angel Eyes
The Indigo Girls
Velvet Underground
Madonna
Elton John
Barry Manilow
Indigo Girls
Melissa Etheridge
Eminmen
Nirvana
Boy George*
The Killers
Lou Reed
Lil' Wayne
Motorhead
Jill Sobule
Wilson Phillips
DMX
Lisa Loeb
Ted Nugent (loincloth)
Dogstar
Thirty Seconds to Mars
Lil' Kim
kd lang
Frank Sinatra
Hinder
Nickleback
Justus Kohncke
Bob Mould
Clay Aiken
Arcade Fire
Bright Eyes
Corinne Bailey Rae
Audioslave
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Panic at the Disco
Elton John(really gay)

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Tuesday, January 23, 2007

A Little Prayer

Okay, I'm not one to be a routine prayer kind of a person, but I thought this was really funny and cool at the same time:


Our Papa
Who art a bear,
Hallowed be thy fame,
Thy championship come,
Thy play be run,
At home as it is away.
Give us this day our Sunday win,
And forgive us our turnovers,
Though we pounce on those who turnover against us,
And lead us not into fourth and long,
But deliver us from Grossman.

Amen! =)

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