Swamp Ass
Since it is the start of the fall season premieres, I spent some time watching television. [More on the fall season in a later blog.] I wasn't too excited about the Titans/Saints game on Monday Night Football, especially after watching the first half at Gold's Gym while running my six miles on the treadmill. C'mon! The Saints were embarrassing!
Anyway, the show I really wanted to watch was The Big Bang Theory, or at least the only one I could catch after getting dinner. I made it a point to avoid the television while How I Met Your Mother was showing, because I got back to the hotel 15 minutes after the show had started. Besides, I have that scheduled on my DVR.
Just wanting to kill some time, I decided to watch Two and a Half Men. I have seen a few episodes in the past, but although it was kind of funny at times, it never captured my desire, thus never earning a spot in my precious DVR space. But tonight's season premiere episode was really clever and funny. Not to mention corny at times, but that is how it is with most situation comedies.
Somewhere in the middle, there was a reference to "swamp ass." Of course, being the foreigner-turned-citizen that I am, I had no idea what the hell the joke was all about. I quickly looked up my trusty Urban Dictionary, and oh my goodness! My precious virgin eyes and mind!!!
It didn't take much for me to realize what it meant, and despite being utterly disgusted, I was immediately put to rolling on the floor laughing out loud (a.k.a. rotf lol) when I read the third entry in the definition of swamp ass:
A common condition in which the ass crack and crotch becomes overly moist, sweaty, and stinky from one or all of the following:
- sweating on a hot day
- not bathing enough
- long day of work, sports, play
- incomplete wipe due to rush or laziness
The crack will often feel squishy, wet, unpleasant, and itchy. It is recommended to take a bath with soap to sanitize the condition.
Man, what was really funny to me was the last reason: "incomplete wipe due to rush or laziness! Holy smokes!!!
As a person who is germaphobe, I have never been rushed nor lazy in my ass wiping activity. If anything, I am quite guilty for killing trees when wiping after taking the Browns to the Super Bowl. I just cannot imagine anybody would feel like they are rushed to avoid completely cleaning him/herself up!
Unimaginable!!!
Thank goodness that I rarely had any swamp ass... And I'd like to keep it that way.
Anyway, the show I really wanted to watch was The Big Bang Theory, or at least the only one I could catch after getting dinner. I made it a point to avoid the television while How I Met Your Mother was showing, because I got back to the hotel 15 minutes after the show had started. Besides, I have that scheduled on my DVR.
Just wanting to kill some time, I decided to watch Two and a Half Men. I have seen a few episodes in the past, but although it was kind of funny at times, it never captured my desire, thus never earning a spot in my precious DVR space. But tonight's season premiere episode was really clever and funny. Not to mention corny at times, but that is how it is with most situation comedies.
Somewhere in the middle, there was a reference to "swamp ass." Of course, being the foreigner-turned-citizen that I am, I had no idea what the hell the joke was all about. I quickly looked up my trusty Urban Dictionary, and oh my goodness! My precious virgin eyes and mind!!!
It didn't take much for me to realize what it meant, and despite being utterly disgusted, I was immediately put to rolling on the floor laughing out loud (a.k.a. rotf lol) when I read the third entry in the definition of swamp ass:
A common condition in which the ass crack and crotch becomes overly moist, sweaty, and stinky from one or all of the following:
- sweating on a hot day
- not bathing enough
- long day of work, sports, play
- incomplete wipe due to rush or laziness
The crack will often feel squishy, wet, unpleasant, and itchy. It is recommended to take a bath with soap to sanitize the condition.
Man, what was really funny to me was the last reason: "incomplete wipe due to rush or laziness! Holy smokes!!!
As a person who is germaphobe, I have never been rushed nor lazy in my ass wiping activity. If anything, I am quite guilty for killing trees when wiping after taking the Browns to the Super Bowl. I just cannot imagine anybody would feel like they are rushed to avoid completely cleaning him/herself up!
Unimaginable!!!
Thank goodness that I rarely had any swamp ass... And I'd like to keep it that way.
Labels: funny, health, television
posted by StHalcyon at
00:45
2 Comments:
Ahhh, J-Ho, yet again I marvel at your ability to take a nasty term like swamp ass and turn it into a comedy routine. And, by the way, what kind of dictionary did you find that VERY COMPLETE definition??? TMI if you ask me...
Linda baby, you know it! I could've been a stand up comedian, but instead opt to just write comedy routines out of my life!
What, you never heard of Urban Dictionary? That is like the totally authoritative source on all things pop-culture or slangs from our wonderful American language! =)
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