Poopie

BL: MA

READER DISCRETION ADVISED

This blog has been rated MA for mature audience.

Okay, for any of you who don't know, I'm Asian. Although I may be American and a mutt, I was raised on Asian food. Don't get me wrong, I love both Asian and Western foods. In fact, I love food so much that I try to embrace culinary arts from all cultures. If anything, I'll try it at least once. Lessons I've learned so far? I don't really like Ethiopian food, or escargot.

Some time ago, a group of friends and I went to this Argentinean restaurant to socialize and boozelize. It was a bring-your-own-beer (or any alcohol for that matter) type of a place. I have never been there, but if you know anything about South American cuisine, at least the American-bastardized versions, their main culinary attraction is typically meat. Lots of meat. And that is why my friend who hosted the evening chose that place.

I got the El Filet, which is practically two filet mignons that came together as about 20 ounces. And it was only $21! No wonder it was a popular dish. And some other people got skirt steak as well. Basically, all the meat dishes were bountiful for the price you pay. And the taste rivaled those of the expensive chophouses in downtown Chicago! A far cry!

Anyway, in Asian culture, or at least specifically in Chinese methods of cooking, everything is sliced thin. And although we eat varied types of meat, the quantity of it is small as we typically balance it out with vegetables. Sure, a typical dinner will have a beef dish (with broccoli), a chicken dish (with leek or another green), and a plain vegetable dish. To feed a family, we will never use more than half a pound of beef or chicken.

So where am I going with this? Let's go back to the Argentinean restaurant. Pretty much everybody finished their food. After all, eating a slab of meat by itself is part of the American culinary culture. But not me. I ate one of my two filet mignons, and took the rest home.

As I'm not used to eating a hunk of meat by itself, I was hurting the next day. I mean, we Asians eat food with rice and vegetables. No rice, no appetite! Anyway, I was sitting on the toilet, and I was practically crying. Not because I had the runs, or I had a tummy ache, but the digested meat was hard and not cooperating with its exit! Ugh!

Then I thought to myself, if this is what I have to deal with every time I eat meat alone as a meal, how the heck do people on Atkins diet handle their daily bowel movement?!? I remembered a project manager who was of Italian heritage. Carbohydrates were a part of his daily meal, much like us Asians. But one day after working together for years, he and his wife decided to lose weight and go on the Atkins diet plan. And I remembered joking with him, "Does it not hurt every time you go to the restroom? Isn't it a struggle?" And his response, after being on the diet for a couple weeks, was, "Well, you get used to it."

Yeah, I don't think I can ever get used to the pain. I think I'll stick to the Asian balanced meal. I say Asian, because our food pyramid really has four times the carbohydrates the American food pyramid recommends!