Stinky girl on a foggy Chicago day
"Are you okay?"
"Uhm..."
"You're crying."
"Yeah, it hurts really bad."
"Are you serious?"
Yesterday was definitely not the proudest day in my life. It all started at 10:00 at Northwestern Memorial Hospital, when I walked in for my LASIK surgery. I was not nervous at all. In fact, I wasn't even thinking about the surgery. I was giddy and thinking, of all things, about a girl. For I checked my email real quick before making a mad dash for a cab.
My surgeon walked in and chatted with me. She made sure that I have taken the five milligram Valium, and asked if I was nervous. "No, but are you?" She smiled and walked into the prep room.
After paying for the procedure, they took me into the operating room. That's when I started feeling like a girl. Or at least being treated like one. I laid down on the table and they put this device to lock my head so I wouldn't move. Next they put a couple drops of cleansing solution in each of my eyes, followed by a few drops of anesthesia. Then I felt something was placed on my tummy. Huh? Since I couldn't move my head, I lifted it up over my face to see it. A teddy bear! A man does not need a teddy bear for surgery! Come on! But I laughed anyway.
The surgery commenced. The right eye would be the first to go, so they covered my left eye with a protective patch. The surgical intern taped my eyelashes, and the surgical assistant placed this device to suck my eyeball out and lock it into place. I have read that this would be a mild discomfort, but for some reason, it hurt a little bit. No worries, I thought. I probably am more sensitive to pain than most people. My surgeon gave the okay, and warned me that this is the part of the process to cut out a flap in my cornea with the Intralase laser. Cool!
After my surgeon said, "Ready," the intern started counting how many seconds left staring with 17. Sweet baby lord Jesus! It hurt! Extremely! "12." "10." "5." "2, 1, done." My right eye was crying profusely. My surgeon asked if I was okay when she noticed my streaming tears. I told her I could feel the Intralase laser, and then asked if I was supposed to feel it, since everything I read indicated that the eyes are typically numbed so the patients couldn't feel it. She asked, "Are you serious?" Then I lifted my right hand and described the pain, and indicated exactly where I felt the pain and its path. On a scale of pain between accidentally wearing an inverted uncleaned contact lens and being kneed in the balls, this was worse. And it lasted 17 seconds!
Dr. Taub and her assistant, Steve, got up and walked to the corner and started discussing things in a low voice. But I could hear them. Seconds later, she came back and said, "You described the cut accurately. You're my first patient who ever felt the laser." So I got an extra two drops of anesthesia on my right eye. As far as pain goes, everything was fine afterwards. But I guess I must have spooked Dr. Taub out, because she was nervous and had a hard time using the tweezers to lift my corneal flap. I told her, "No worries, I can't feel a thing now." Ha ha.
Before they began to cut my left eye, the intern gave me four extra drops of anesthesia. Ah. I did not feel any pain when they sucked my eyeball out, or when they did the incision. Phew. So things went smoothly from then on out. I was then escorted to the prep room, where they gave me a care package of assortment of goodies: Steroid eye drops for faster healing, antibiotic eye drops, synthetic tears, something that looked like really cheap ski goggles for use during sleep so I don't accidentally rub my eyes, and that god awful looking oversized shades to protect me from the bright light as I walk away from the hospital. I felt like one of those senior citizens on the subway or bus where they always seem to sport this exact kind of shades!
Damn, that anesthesia wore off quickly, because while following Erin through Michigan Avenue to hunt down lunch like a small pack of wolves, I started crying again. Involuntarily, of course. And it was just my right eye. It was so painful that despite my hunger, I couldn't eat. The ride home seemed like it lasted an hour too!
When I finally got home, I quickly took off my jeans and long underwear, sat on the toilet and peed like a girl! The pain was so intense that I couldn't keep my eyes open, so I decided to avoid peeing all over my bathroom floor. Finally, hands washed, goggles on, and I hit the sack. Time? 13:30.
17:00, I woke up, and peed like a girl again. Quickly downed a glass of water, and went back to sleep.
23:15, I woke up again and was hungry. The pain wasn't so intense anymore and I could actually hold my eyes open. Now it felt like I was wearing dry contacts with that scratchy feeling. My vision was blurry, and I tried to watch television. Ouch! Too bright. So I turned it off. Gosh, this is going to make for a very boring moment, I thought to myself.
After fixing a whole-wheat bagel laced with sugar free strawberry jam (yum, my favorite thing in the world), I flossed and brushed my teeth before forcing myself to sleep again. Surely enough, I slept like a little girl.
Next thing I knew, my alarm was going off at 08:00. I peered out the window from my bed, and I could see the Dominick's sign in between the slates of my blinds. Sweet! But damn, it surely was one foggy day out today. I got up, and thought, gosh, I must have left the windows open, for it was foggy in my kitchen and living room too! Oh wait, it was just my eyes.
So after a trip to my doctor's for the first post-op checkup, things are looking well. Dr. Taub explained how she got real nervous after I told her I could feel the laser. I also explained that I've had a minor surgery once before and I could feel the knife, as well as the time when I had my teeth fixed. She advised that my system probably doesn't take anesthesia as well as others, and that I should inform any surgeon who may perform anything on me in the future about this. Duly noted.
So now, I'm one happy man! I can see clearly, sorta. I can make things out, only that everything is just foggy like wearing contact lens for a day too long after pulling an all nighter. I'm happy that I no longer need to pee like a girl anymore. Happy that I can make out with a date without getting her makeup on my glasses. You know how you can't plan for that moment when a kiss comes up, right? So it's not like I can just take off my glasses with forethought. Happy that I don't have to put on contact lens every time I get ready to play sports. Happy that now I can see everything when making sweet luvin's instead of being blind in bed.
Yay! I can't wait till the fog clears up within the week! Or the clock strikes 10:00 tomorrow morning so I can take a shower and get rid of this stench!
"Uhm..."
"You're crying."
"Yeah, it hurts really bad."
"Are you serious?"
Yesterday was definitely not the proudest day in my life. It all started at 10:00 at Northwestern Memorial Hospital, when I walked in for my LASIK surgery. I was not nervous at all. In fact, I wasn't even thinking about the surgery. I was giddy and thinking, of all things, about a girl. For I checked my email real quick before making a mad dash for a cab.
My surgeon walked in and chatted with me. She made sure that I have taken the five milligram Valium, and asked if I was nervous. "No, but are you?" She smiled and walked into the prep room.
After paying for the procedure, they took me into the operating room. That's when I started feeling like a girl. Or at least being treated like one. I laid down on the table and they put this device to lock my head so I wouldn't move. Next they put a couple drops of cleansing solution in each of my eyes, followed by a few drops of anesthesia. Then I felt something was placed on my tummy. Huh? Since I couldn't move my head, I lifted it up over my face to see it. A teddy bear! A man does not need a teddy bear for surgery! Come on! But I laughed anyway.
The surgery commenced. The right eye would be the first to go, so they covered my left eye with a protective patch. The surgical intern taped my eyelashes, and the surgical assistant placed this device to suck my eyeball out and lock it into place. I have read that this would be a mild discomfort, but for some reason, it hurt a little bit. No worries, I thought. I probably am more sensitive to pain than most people. My surgeon gave the okay, and warned me that this is the part of the process to cut out a flap in my cornea with the Intralase laser. Cool!
After my surgeon said, "Ready," the intern started counting how many seconds left staring with 17. Sweet baby lord Jesus! It hurt! Extremely! "12." "10." "5." "2, 1, done." My right eye was crying profusely. My surgeon asked if I was okay when she noticed my streaming tears. I told her I could feel the Intralase laser, and then asked if I was supposed to feel it, since everything I read indicated that the eyes are typically numbed so the patients couldn't feel it. She asked, "Are you serious?" Then I lifted my right hand and described the pain, and indicated exactly where I felt the pain and its path. On a scale of pain between accidentally wearing an inverted uncleaned contact lens and being kneed in the balls, this was worse. And it lasted 17 seconds!
Dr. Taub and her assistant, Steve, got up and walked to the corner and started discussing things in a low voice. But I could hear them. Seconds later, she came back and said, "You described the cut accurately. You're my first patient who ever felt the laser." So I got an extra two drops of anesthesia on my right eye. As far as pain goes, everything was fine afterwards. But I guess I must have spooked Dr. Taub out, because she was nervous and had a hard time using the tweezers to lift my corneal flap. I told her, "No worries, I can't feel a thing now." Ha ha.
Before they began to cut my left eye, the intern gave me four extra drops of anesthesia. Ah. I did not feel any pain when they sucked my eyeball out, or when they did the incision. Phew. So things went smoothly from then on out. I was then escorted to the prep room, where they gave me a care package of assortment of goodies: Steroid eye drops for faster healing, antibiotic eye drops, synthetic tears, something that looked like really cheap ski goggles for use during sleep so I don't accidentally rub my eyes, and that god awful looking oversized shades to protect me from the bright light as I walk away from the hospital. I felt like one of those senior citizens on the subway or bus where they always seem to sport this exact kind of shades!
Damn, that anesthesia wore off quickly, because while following Erin through Michigan Avenue to hunt down lunch like a small pack of wolves, I started crying again. Involuntarily, of course. And it was just my right eye. It was so painful that despite my hunger, I couldn't eat. The ride home seemed like it lasted an hour too!
When I finally got home, I quickly took off my jeans and long underwear, sat on the toilet and peed like a girl! The pain was so intense that I couldn't keep my eyes open, so I decided to avoid peeing all over my bathroom floor. Finally, hands washed, goggles on, and I hit the sack. Time? 13:30.
17:00, I woke up, and peed like a girl again. Quickly downed a glass of water, and went back to sleep.
23:15, I woke up again and was hungry. The pain wasn't so intense anymore and I could actually hold my eyes open. Now it felt like I was wearing dry contacts with that scratchy feeling. My vision was blurry, and I tried to watch television. Ouch! Too bright. So I turned it off. Gosh, this is going to make for a very boring moment, I thought to myself.
After fixing a whole-wheat bagel laced with sugar free strawberry jam (yum, my favorite thing in the world), I flossed and brushed my teeth before forcing myself to sleep again. Surely enough, I slept like a little girl.
Next thing I knew, my alarm was going off at 08:00. I peered out the window from my bed, and I could see the Dominick's sign in between the slates of my blinds. Sweet! But damn, it surely was one foggy day out today. I got up, and thought, gosh, I must have left the windows open, for it was foggy in my kitchen and living room too! Oh wait, it was just my eyes.
So after a trip to my doctor's for the first post-op checkup, things are looking well. Dr. Taub explained how she got real nervous after I told her I could feel the laser. I also explained that I've had a minor surgery once before and I could feel the knife, as well as the time when I had my teeth fixed. She advised that my system probably doesn't take anesthesia as well as others, and that I should inform any surgeon who may perform anything on me in the future about this. Duly noted.
So now, I'm one happy man! I can see clearly, sorta. I can make things out, only that everything is just foggy like wearing contact lens for a day too long after pulling an all nighter. I'm happy that I no longer need to pee like a girl anymore. Happy that I can make out with a date without getting her makeup on my glasses. You know how you can't plan for that moment when a kiss comes up, right? So it's not like I can just take off my glasses with forethought. Happy that I don't have to put on contact lens every time I get ready to play sports. Happy that now I can see everything when making sweet luvin's instead of being blind in bed.
Yay! I can't wait till the fog clears up within the week! Or the clock strikes 10:00 tomorrow morning so I can take a shower and get rid of this stench!
posted by StHalcyon at
14:55
1 Comments:
That certainly doesn't sound like a good experience! I can't wait to have the surgery done...I guess since I also have problems with pain medication not working I will inform them of that BEFORE the surgery.
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