Certified Ass Hole
I have no idea how many weddings I have been invited to, but I'm pretty damn sure that I have gone to a lot of them. As usual, whenever I get the invitation, I automatically check yes for "will attend," and mark two for "number of guests" in the Répondez, s’il vous plait card. Maybe it is out of habit, but whether or not I'm dating anyone, I will always bring a companion. And I have done this for every single wedding I have ever been invited to in my life.
Until now.
You see, this past weekend, I got a little bit of a shocker while I was chatting and catching up on things with a dear friend of mine, whose wedding is coming up soon. I haven't really opened the invite yet, as it is stuck somewhere in between stacks of bills and junk mail I have neglected to attend to for weeks. It's not that I wasn't excited to receive a suspicious-looking, odd-sized, girl-colored, love-stamped letter in the mail. Simply put, I got it just as I was returning home to pick up my luggage and run out the door for the airport some time ago.
Anyway, while chatting with her, I asked who were invited to the wedding, because I was going to bring a mutual friend who I'm sure would liven up the reception. [Or I hope.] And in an instant, I was quickly snapped, "You can't bring anyone!" At first, I was taken aback, before feeling a little bit insulted.
A quick look-through of some psycho books that target brides-to-be in such a huge profit-making industry, there are so many rules, manners and etiquettes surrounding the simple act of getting married. My favorite? Chapters based on the number of months till the wedding. [Read Emily Post.] But most of these books spent quite a lot of words and chapters geared towards the marrying couples. There isn't any chapter, much less an appendix, for wedding guests-to-be to read.
This invariably forced me to extend my research to the world of the interweb. And of course, the search was far and wide, as everything again was geared towards the marrying couples. After nearly half an hour, I finally discovered a few targeted hit results. Turns out, and all you boys out there better pay attention here, that there is an unwritten rule out there in the world of etiquette that dictates how you can respond to wedding invitations.
If the wedding invitation is addressed to you alone, then that means you are only allowed to arrive unaccompanied!
Yeah, Holy Shit! was what I said too!
If this hidden rule is supposed to be widely known, then why don't I know about this? Of course, I polled a lot of my friends about this, and no surprise here, but most guys save for one didn't know about this. They all have made the same mistake that I have done over and over. As for the girls out there, half of them knew about this unwritten rule. I even went so far as to ask my client employees!
I think that in this day and age, especially in America where it has been touted repeatedly as a country of melting pot [or at least layered oils of different viscosity], are all Americans supposed to automatically know this rule? Obviously the marrying couples will know them after reading so many different wedding books, but I doubt the general populace will know this.
And it was especially misleading when the typical RSVP card will have these three lines:
M______________________
Will __________ attend
_____ Number attending
For the most part, most guys will automatically write down just their name, and two for the number of guests. They all assumed that they could bring a date or companion. Apparently, that is a social faux pas in the world of American aristocracy dictated by the obsessive compulsive, linear folks like Martha Stewart and Emily Post. I mean, Emily Post's Etiquette isn't exactly a book I recall having to read in any of the mandatory literatures in secondary school years (i.e. high school for you Americans). Likewise, I wasn't required to attend any kind of charm schools while growing up. So how am I supposed to know this sensitive manner? If the guest list must be limited, then help me out by writing "one" for me in the blank next to the "Number attending" field.
More importantly, people with different cultures may have different expectations. As a friend of mine pointed out, my default response to a wedding invitation will gladly be accepted by a Chinese American couple, because it simply means that they will get more gifts. Of course, in contemporary American culture, shaped by the likes of Post or Stewart and actively practiced by the snooty 10% of our society who are wealthy and have the power to influence, this isn't the case!
Oops!
Apparently, I have been a certified ass hole so many times in the past, save for one wedding which I recall having such wedding invitation addressed to "John and Guest."
Here's my real beef. If what I had done was such a faux pas, then why didn't any of my previous friends warn me about it? After all, most of my friends who got married were women! They could have taught me an invaluable lesson and save me from the embarrassment of being labeled The Guy Who Sucks Your Wedding Funds Away. I can only imagine one married friend telling another female friend of mine who is about to tie the knot: "Watch out for John. Not only does he eat a lot, flirt with your mom, be the crowd clown, but he brings dates just to drain your money away!"
Instead of the confusing RSVP cards with the standard fill-in-the-blanks, why not make it more straight-forward. If the size of the guest list is tight, spell it out. If standard RSVP cards must be used in a limited wedding reception, I for one will volunteer to send out the invitations, while manually writing the number of guests for that targeted invitee. That way, the point is made across loud and clear. And I blame anal-retentive folks like Post and Stewart for creating this mess, because they want your invitation to come across as tactful, so they leave out important things which may in fact be useful.
I guess in a way, I'm glad for the hotly-debated conversation I had with my friend this past weekend, because it is better to be late in knowing this than never at all. And if, God willing, I'm blessed with the opportunity to find the right girl and if, God willing, marriage is in the cards, my wedding invitations will be done entirely over the Internet! Screw Peggy Post and Martha Stewart. No more confusing RSVP cards with underlines here and there. And when invitees get to my website to respond, there will be a grayed out field labeled "Number of Guests," and it will indicate a solid number pre-determined. If I want Emily Stewart to come unaccompanied because I hate her boyfriend, then it will just read a big ol' UNO in that field. And if I want a married couple with kids to come sans noise-makers, then that field will read a big ol' DOS.
That's just me. =)
Until now.
You see, this past weekend, I got a little bit of a shocker while I was chatting and catching up on things with a dear friend of mine, whose wedding is coming up soon. I haven't really opened the invite yet, as it is stuck somewhere in between stacks of bills and junk mail I have neglected to attend to for weeks. It's not that I wasn't excited to receive a suspicious-looking, odd-sized, girl-colored, love-stamped letter in the mail. Simply put, I got it just as I was returning home to pick up my luggage and run out the door for the airport some time ago.
Anyway, while chatting with her, I asked who were invited to the wedding, because I was going to bring a mutual friend who I'm sure would liven up the reception. [Or I hope.] And in an instant, I was quickly snapped, "You can't bring anyone!" At first, I was taken aback, before feeling a little bit insulted.
A quick look-through of some psycho books that target brides-to-be in such a huge profit-making industry, there are so many rules, manners and etiquettes surrounding the simple act of getting married. My favorite? Chapters based on the number of months till the wedding. [Read Emily Post.] But most of these books spent quite a lot of words and chapters geared towards the marrying couples. There isn't any chapter, much less an appendix, for wedding guests-to-be to read.
This invariably forced me to extend my research to the world of the interweb. And of course, the search was far and wide, as everything again was geared towards the marrying couples. After nearly half an hour, I finally discovered a few targeted hit results. Turns out, and all you boys out there better pay attention here, that there is an unwritten rule out there in the world of etiquette that dictates how you can respond to wedding invitations.
If the wedding invitation is addressed to you alone, then that means you are only allowed to arrive unaccompanied!
Yeah, Holy Shit! was what I said too!
If this hidden rule is supposed to be widely known, then why don't I know about this? Of course, I polled a lot of my friends about this, and no surprise here, but most guys save for one didn't know about this. They all have made the same mistake that I have done over and over. As for the girls out there, half of them knew about this unwritten rule. I even went so far as to ask my client employees!
I think that in this day and age, especially in America where it has been touted repeatedly as a country of melting pot [or at least layered oils of different viscosity], are all Americans supposed to automatically know this rule? Obviously the marrying couples will know them after reading so many different wedding books, but I doubt the general populace will know this.
And it was especially misleading when the typical RSVP card will have these three lines:
M______________________
Will __________ attend
_____ Number attending
For the most part, most guys will automatically write down just their name, and two for the number of guests. They all assumed that they could bring a date or companion. Apparently, that is a social faux pas in the world of American aristocracy dictated by the obsessive compulsive, linear folks like Martha Stewart and Emily Post. I mean, Emily Post's Etiquette isn't exactly a book I recall having to read in any of the mandatory literatures in secondary school years (i.e. high school for you Americans). Likewise, I wasn't required to attend any kind of charm schools while growing up. So how am I supposed to know this sensitive manner? If the guest list must be limited, then help me out by writing "one" for me in the blank next to the "Number attending" field.
More importantly, people with different cultures may have different expectations. As a friend of mine pointed out, my default response to a wedding invitation will gladly be accepted by a Chinese American couple, because it simply means that they will get more gifts. Of course, in contemporary American culture, shaped by the likes of Post or Stewart and actively practiced by the snooty 10% of our society who are wealthy and have the power to influence, this isn't the case!
Oops!
Apparently, I have been a certified ass hole so many times in the past, save for one wedding which I recall having such wedding invitation addressed to "John and Guest."
Here's my real beef. If what I had done was such a faux pas, then why didn't any of my previous friends warn me about it? After all, most of my friends who got married were women! They could have taught me an invaluable lesson and save me from the embarrassment of being labeled The Guy Who Sucks Your Wedding Funds Away. I can only imagine one married friend telling another female friend of mine who is about to tie the knot: "Watch out for John. Not only does he eat a lot, flirt with your mom, be the crowd clown, but he brings dates just to drain your money away!"
Instead of the confusing RSVP cards with the standard fill-in-the-blanks, why not make it more straight-forward. If the size of the guest list is tight, spell it out. If standard RSVP cards must be used in a limited wedding reception, I for one will volunteer to send out the invitations, while manually writing the number of guests for that targeted invitee. That way, the point is made across loud and clear. And I blame anal-retentive folks like Post and Stewart for creating this mess, because they want your invitation to come across as tactful, so they leave out important things which may in fact be useful.
I guess in a way, I'm glad for the hotly-debated conversation I had with my friend this past weekend, because it is better to be late in knowing this than never at all. And if, God willing, I'm blessed with the opportunity to find the right girl and if, God willing, marriage is in the cards, my wedding invitations will be done entirely over the Internet! Screw Peggy Post and Martha Stewart. No more confusing RSVP cards with underlines here and there. And when invitees get to my website to respond, there will be a grayed out field labeled "Number of Guests," and it will indicate a solid number pre-determined. If I want Emily Stewart to come unaccompanied because I hate her boyfriend, then it will just read a big ol' UNO in that field. And if I want a married couple with kids to come sans noise-makers, then that field will read a big ol' DOS.
That's just me. =)
posted by StHalcyon at
00:23
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