Restroom is not exactly a rest room...

BL: MA

READER DISCRETION ADVISED

This blog has been rated MA for mature audience.

So I work at this client site in Schaumburg, right? Well, they have several buildings, all of which are somewhat energy efficient. In other words, you'll hardly find any manual switches. Every lighting switch is timed to go off based on motion detection, restrooms included.

Anyway, I work at a building with twenty-something odd floors. At this particular tower, the fifth floor is entirely dedicated to the data center on raised flooring which services IT computing infrastructure for operations in Europe and North America. Because the data center is in a secured zone, and only two operators work within it, the restrooms on that floor are seldom used. How do I know that? For one, all the data center employees are female, and two, almost every time I walk into the restroom, the motion detector would trigger the lights to come on, suggesting no one has used it in a while.

If I don't work and sit in the data center but on the seventh floor, one may beg the question, "Why do you even use the restroom on the fifth floor?" Good question, I might concede. Well... Uhm...

Let's just put it this way. The restrooms on each floor have only two urinals and two toilets each. That configuration is obviously for the men's side of course, as I have no idea what the configuration is for women's. (Or maybe I do know, but I'm pretending not to...) With so little facilities in the men's restroom, it can sometimes be crowded considering that each floor seats about 150 employees. {How do I know that figure? It helps to be friendly and in good terms with one of the two floor administrators.} In other words, there are times, many times in fact, when the restroom is extremely nasty and filthy. I swear, most, if not all, men are just pigs. Sometimes I wish they were just as anal as I am when it comes to cleanliness and germ phobia.

And because of the sheer number of people working per floor, I sometimes have to wait for people; or worse yet, be waited on. It is especially horrible when I'm dropping the kids off at the pool, as that delicate (and intimate) process is definitely something I hate to be rushed on, you know? And with feet tapping impatiently on the other side of the super thin partitions/walls with cracks that you can see through, said kids being dropped off at the pool may, you know, at times have stage fright, thus prolonging the unnecessary long process.

So for reasons I have mentioned above, I enjoy going down to the fifth floor to use the restroom. I don't have to wait on anybody; nobody has to wait for me; and best of all, it is much cleaner. Not to mention the lack of a certain constant funky smell. And I know that nobody has used it in a while, because every time I go in there, the lights are off and my entrance would trigger the switch to turn on the lights. That feeling is akin to reading a fresh, crisp newspaper which you know nobody else have unfolded its pages. Ahh... My private restroom sanctuary...

But my private restroom sanctuary is there for me to escape the crowds and yuckiness. Apparently, just the other day, I discovered that this same restroom is also a private sanctuary for another person, but for totally different reasons. I walked in, and as expected, the lights were off. But as soon as the lights were turned on by the motion detector, lo and behold an employee got up hurriedly from the floor, apparently having a leisurely afternoon nap!

Whoa!!! I know the fifth floor restroom is clean, but not that clean! I just stood there, jaw dropped, while he groggilymade a dash for the door. Was I supposed to laugh? Was I supposed to stare? Was I supposed to avoid eye contact AND not laugh?

I wanted to tell him that he should somehow obtain a key to "mothers' rooms" scattered throughout the building. At least those rooms are cleaner, almost soundproof, and lockable so as to not disturb his sweet lullaby. The downside of this, aside from the fact of needing to convince human resources to supply him with a key, is that he will be there along with, uhm, specialty pumps.