To Kill a Mocking Bird

Gee whiz, Louis! What a day. What a week! To sum it up, work sucked. Big time! A week-long emergency, which resulted being forced to alter my flight home and take the absolute last flight for the day, which just so happened to be coincidentally delayed.

Right. Fate can be a joker sometimes.

I hopped on the Orange Line and started getting further away from Midway Airport, in the hopes of hooking up with the Red Line at Roosevelt. What do you know? The Orange Line was constantly stopped and delayed. Ugh.

Half hour later, Roosevelt station finally!

I walked to my usual spot at the end of the platform and waited for the Red Line to arrive. And what do you know? There was a pigeon just standing on the platform, resting in the gentle warmth the underground afforded. And he was about a foot and a half away from my spot. I wiggled and shook my suitcase to see if he would budge. Not that I was in any way uncomfortable around him like when I bump into an ex on the platform kind of way. But he didn't move. I did a quick jerk with my foot. He was unfazed. He just stood there and mocked at my silly behavior in public. Bystanders nearby stared at me more than the pigeon. The bird was resolved to stay in his spot, much like Dubya is still resolved to stay the course.

Then a thought came over me. Ah, the simple plan, when executed, would most satisfy the mental itch my id was begging to be scratched.

Just as the train comes barreling down the tunnel, as it gets within 10 feet of where we are standing, I would lurch at the bird, causing him to fly away from me. And I would enjoy the sight of a silly bird getting smacked by a 30 mph train. And the train conductor's face would be priceless.

Yes! A plan has been hatched. So simple, yet so perfect.

Except…

I didn't count on the mocking bird to up and fly away when he heard the train coming through the tunnel half a football field's length away.

Damn!

Note: No actual birds were harmed in the creative process and writing of this blog.