Dear neighbor

Dearest neighbor. I hated it when the previous tenants living in the condo next to me smoked. Their cigarette smoke would seep through the walls and enter my bedroom, causing serious complications with my asthmatic conditions. But ever since you booted those chimney-smoking, yet so hot, girls out, my health has improved vastly. I thank you very much. And thank goodness you're good looking too. Not as hot as the replaced tenants, but at least I don't gasp for air everyday now.

It has come to my attention that in addition to your decent attractive looks, you are also quite a cook. For a while or so, I did not mind a bit. It is refreshing to know that there is a fellow food connoisseur living next to me. Every evening whenever I am not traveling out of town, I'd smell the sweet aroma of your art and skill. It is pleasing to me indeed. And judging by the different aromas that float about my condo everyday, you have some mad, dazzling and varied skills. I give you kudo's and prop's.

But after the last few blissful months, it has also come to my attention that I rarely see you. Likewise, you have never invited me over for dinner. I can certainly take the hint, and I don't mind one bit. Dating fellow tenants is not a practice I like to engage in. But lately, as I have not gone out of town for many weeks now, your most excellent culinary skills are starting to cause alarm. Not only do you cook during dinner time, but you also cook during lunch.

Your living behavior has two side effects on me, both of which impact yours truly in a negative way. You cook all the time. This often results in making me salivate and rumble in my tummy. As if that wasn't enough, you also have a different eating schedule than my regularly scheduled food consumption. If I eat before you by hours, I always end up hungry again when you decide to cook. It has caused me to eat more meals than ever before, and caused me more than double the usual trips to the refrigerator when I work at home.

Because of the resulting weight gain in the last few months as evidenced by the 411 reports from my trusty bathroom scale, I demand you to cease cooking delicious meals for the next month or so. Alternatively, I will not object to you purposely making your meals smell like dog food. I hope this message finds you in good health, as well as in good mood. Thank you very much.

Sincerely,

#2104