God will smite thou racist!

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today; I sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt. I no come work."

The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her I want sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon......... You got nice house."

Ha ha ha ha ha. That is funny! Okay, so I felt like opening with a joke, considering how appropriate it is along the lines of what I wanted to say last night {but got too drunk to stay awake}.

Entrapment. That is what it was yesterday. I got this text from Aarthi while working: "Hey if anyone is hungry before crapple please come over. we have lots of food." If you know me at all, you know I love food. And better yet, I love free food. Who could turn that down, right? And I had no intention whatsoever of going to crapple afterwards too.

Well, I got off the L at the Addison stop. As soon as I got onto the street, I saw this Asian chick walking on the other side. So I yelled out, "Asian people suck!" Maybe a second and a half went by, and this gal realized the slander was pointed at her. She stopped. Turned her head slowly and scanned the crowd. I could see that she was ready to throw down her bag/purse/billfold and get ready to kick some ass. She saw me. Her face changed into a big smile. Ha ha ha. It was Erin. We started laughing, and started to walk towards Sheffield.

Just as I began walking, while still having my eyes on Erin across the street, SMACK! I busted up my left hand with a few cuts here and there. Of course, the Cubs had to be playing at home. Otherwise there wouldn't be all these metal barriers lining up and down my side of the sidewalk. Damn. I almost tripped over one of them too. So yeah, I got smitten for that racist joking comment.

I woke up this morning and wondered, "Why are my knuckles on my left hand hurting like a real bitch?" Yup! Three fingers are bigger now with a shade of blue. Strange. It hurt just a little bit when it first happened, but I felt them no more. So this is where the entrapment comes. I guess Aarthi never made it home. She was still at Casey Moran's! Damn. This boy is hungry! But what do people do when they go to bars, especially after the Cubs had just finished playing and seeing this girl drunk off of her ass get dragged out by her friends as I walked into the bar? Drink!

Four glasses of Blue Moon and ogling at Abbey and Megan in a matter of an hour later, we started to migrate. I guess it was time for crapple. But this boy's gotta eat!. Thank Satan that a McDonald's was nearby! We all went in. Shit. The line was long. I looked out the window. Hey, no cars. So I went to the drive through! But nobody will help me. So I started jumping up and down on the pavement, thinking that there must be a weight scale that alerts the employees of a car's presence. Thank goodness a car pulled up behind me. So I ordered. A six-piece McNuggets and a Double Cheeseburger. I went up to the window, and the guy stared at me, and asked, "Where's your car?" Ha ha ha! But I got my food.

After eating said processed crap, I went up to the counter and got another round of the same thing! Somehow I just can't be satiated with things passed off as food by McDonald's, especially after drinking plenty earlier. Now come to think about it, along with the two Miller Lite's I had at crapple, last night's little eating and drinking (excluding breakfast and lunch) resulted in a total consumption of 2296 calories! Oh. My. Lord.

Yeah. Entrapment. The plan was to have free food and head home. But somehow? Yeah. Not only do I have a bruised hand now, but I'm being smitten with weight gain! Ha ha ha!