Drinking Milk
I am giving you a heads up. This is going to be a bit of a pointless blog, as I have more questions than answers right now. You may even suggest that I may be confused. But that is life, right?
Anyway, I was watching this new show on television on Sunday and then again earlier this evening. A fictional situation onscreen reminded me of this conversation that I once had with a friend. I brought up the notion of why it is that the longer a couple stays together, the further they drift apart? Maybe not emotionally, but things just "fizzle." It can be the loss of the sparks or spontaneity, or worse, the sudden silence where even small talk becomes a chore. Maybe "fizzle" is not the right word, but I brought it up at that fateful diner only because someone else once used that word precisely to describe his relationship, which up to that point I have thought was great and going well.
I explained to my friend at the diner that the "fizzle" is probably one of the few fears I have, and probably one of the driving reasons why I am only attracted to girls who can carry on intellectual conversations on end. I mean, my friends tell me I am picky, or that I am overlooking the nice and hot girl who likes me, but somehow I nitpick some flaws that I feel could be detrimental to a long and meaningful relationship. My friend Cesar just cannot understand why I reject women who are seemingly attractive physically. Not only is the natural ability to hold an intellectual conversation a turn on for me, but something I subconsciously think is something that will keep the closeness alive as we go through life together.
Of course, I am still young and a bachelor, so I cannot say for certain what the secret is to a long and loving relationship. The mere number of years spent married together is a false sense of "true love." I have come across some folks who have been married for 40 years and not really loving each other anymore. It became a comfort zone. And I mentioned to my friend that it is my hope and desire, if {or when, should lady luck be so kind on my soul} I ever find the love of my life, that no matter how long it is, that we don't "fizzle" and take each other for granted.
In response, my friend responded that she actually looks forward to that in a relationship. Furthermore, she said that sure, the hot sex and the initial physical attraction and such are nice, but it is nicer to look forward to the settling down afterwards, where they become just a routine, just there going through life without all the sparks and the sorts of the initial stage. But she also made it clear that perhaps "fizzle" is not the right word to describe this final stage of a relationship, but that she looks forward to this comfort zone where your partner is just there.
As this friend is someone I really like and respect, I thought about her response and pondered her opinion and point of view. Then again, I was a little bit tipsy and hungry, so I did not dwell on it much at the time. But now, some fictional television show reminded me of this topic, and I am thinking more about what it is that we as humans want in a relationship. I also remembered a moment in time when I was on a date with this great and wonderful girl, during which I mentioned something to this effect to her while pointing to a couple sitting next to us who did not talk to each other the entire time, and that I felt sorry for them, thinking about how great we were doing. But of course, that sense of greatness was a false one, as I did not realize then that that night would be the last night I would ever spend with her. You just never think that the last kiss you have to be the actual last kiss you share with the significant other.
So yeah, what do I really know, other than just the random ramblings? My random thoughts are all over the map, with no clear direction. If only my favorite English Composition professor can read this blog, as he would be having a heart attack, regretting his decision to publish two of my professional essays in his textbook. But the point here is that I want to jot down my random thoughts in a confused state of mind on paper. Or record, since I am blogging on the web. Perhaps one day, the future John will provide insight to the present self.
In the meantime, I'll quote something from a book Botton wrote that just does not help at all with the confusion. This is from a character who has been married for thirty years, providing advice to the protagonist who is dating said character's daughter: "I'm no expert on love, but I'll tell you something. In the end, I've found that it doesn't really matter who you marry. If you like them at the beginning, you probably won't like them at the end. And if you start off hating them, there's always the chance you'll end up thinking they're all right." What a cynic is the reaction I have. But we'll see. =)
Anyway, I was watching this new show on television on Sunday and then again earlier this evening. A fictional situation onscreen reminded me of this conversation that I once had with a friend. I brought up the notion of why it is that the longer a couple stays together, the further they drift apart? Maybe not emotionally, but things just "fizzle." It can be the loss of the sparks or spontaneity, or worse, the sudden silence where even small talk becomes a chore. Maybe "fizzle" is not the right word, but I brought it up at that fateful diner only because someone else once used that word precisely to describe his relationship, which up to that point I have thought was great and going well.
I explained to my friend at the diner that the "fizzle" is probably one of the few fears I have, and probably one of the driving reasons why I am only attracted to girls who can carry on intellectual conversations on end. I mean, my friends tell me I am picky, or that I am overlooking the nice and hot girl who likes me, but somehow I nitpick some flaws that I feel could be detrimental to a long and meaningful relationship. My friend Cesar just cannot understand why I reject women who are seemingly attractive physically. Not only is the natural ability to hold an intellectual conversation a turn on for me, but something I subconsciously think is something that will keep the closeness alive as we go through life together.
Of course, I am still young and a bachelor, so I cannot say for certain what the secret is to a long and loving relationship. The mere number of years spent married together is a false sense of "true love." I have come across some folks who have been married for 40 years and not really loving each other anymore. It became a comfort zone. And I mentioned to my friend that it is my hope and desire, if {or when, should lady luck be so kind on my soul} I ever find the love of my life, that no matter how long it is, that we don't "fizzle" and take each other for granted.
In response, my friend responded that she actually looks forward to that in a relationship. Furthermore, she said that sure, the hot sex and the initial physical attraction and such are nice, but it is nicer to look forward to the settling down afterwards, where they become just a routine, just there going through life without all the sparks and the sorts of the initial stage. But she also made it clear that perhaps "fizzle" is not the right word to describe this final stage of a relationship, but that she looks forward to this comfort zone where your partner is just there.
As this friend is someone I really like and respect, I thought about her response and pondered her opinion and point of view. Then again, I was a little bit tipsy and hungry, so I did not dwell on it much at the time. But now, some fictional television show reminded me of this topic, and I am thinking more about what it is that we as humans want in a relationship. I also remembered a moment in time when I was on a date with this great and wonderful girl, during which I mentioned something to this effect to her while pointing to a couple sitting next to us who did not talk to each other the entire time, and that I felt sorry for them, thinking about how great we were doing. But of course, that sense of greatness was a false one, as I did not realize then that that night would be the last night I would ever spend with her. You just never think that the last kiss you have to be the actual last kiss you share with the significant other.
So yeah, what do I really know, other than just the random ramblings? My random thoughts are all over the map, with no clear direction. If only my favorite English Composition professor can read this blog, as he would be having a heart attack, regretting his decision to publish two of my professional essays in his textbook. But the point here is that I want to jot down my random thoughts in a confused state of mind on paper. Or record, since I am blogging on the web. Perhaps one day, the future John will provide insight to the present self.
In the meantime, I'll quote something from a book Botton wrote that just does not help at all with the confusion. This is from a character who has been married for thirty years, providing advice to the protagonist who is dating said character's daughter: "I'm no expert on love, but I'll tell you something. In the end, I've found that it doesn't really matter who you marry. If you like them at the beginning, you probably won't like them at the end. And if you start off hating them, there's always the chance you'll end up thinking they're all right." What a cynic is the reaction I have. But we'll see. =)
posted by StHalcyon at
01:41
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